Where Am I

Eyes (19)

June 30th, 2016

They wouldn't even let me come to the funeral.

I have no idea what happened that night, all I know, my life will never be the same. Damnnit, I let so many people down, my family, Josh's family, friends, and the clique. God all the messages I sent out for them now seem meaningless. I just wish I had one more show, one more music video, one more interview, one more meet and greet, fuck even just one more encounter on the street. The worst thing out of all this, my bestfriend is gone. I know we were actually a thing, but no matter what we were, boyfriends, engaged, husbands, he will always be my bestfriend.

Everyday I cry, everyday I scream, everyday I beat myself up. It's all my fault, I'm a pyscopath. Blurryface won, and I can't turn back time, to the good ol' days.

July 30th, 2016

About two people here actually know who I am, recognize me; it's kind of sad to be seen like this, even though the whole world already knows.

Augest 30th, 2016

I continue to write, not just songs anymore, much more. I write stories, just incase I fully loose my mind in here, I want all my memories, so I jot them down on paper. So, so many good times, all gone.

September 30th, 2016

I finished a song, it was going to be on the new upcoming album, I dream that maybe I can get out one day and be able to release, but all my dreams are crushed. The song is called "Echo", I always hear Josh's echo in my ear, telling me it's alright.

October 31st, 2016

Today is Halloween, one of Josh's favorite holidays. They let us dress up today at the cookoo house, Josh and I have matching costumes, I think we look great. Everyone loves my costume, they say they can't even see Josh's, whatever they are crazy anyway.

December 1st, 2016

My mom and dad came and visited me today since it's my birthday. I was so happy, they told me how the family has been doing, and how the clique is holding up. They brought a huge box that they told me security had to check every little thing in there to make sure it could come in. It was filled with letters and cards, some from my brothers and sister, my nurse, Jenna, but majority of it all was from the clique. There was so much love, it was like I had done nothing wrong, it was a good birthday.

December 31st, 2016

Christmas has just past and Josh sent me a gift! It was a special harpoon I can use to write more, since my other one broke. He knows me so well.

It's also New Years Eve and I am beyond excited to start and new year with Josh, this year was not so good.

January 31st, 2017

The month has been good so far, Josh and I are getting pretty used to this place. He always playing his drums, I dont even know how he got them in here! It's always fun to walk around and watch him jam out. Everyone else whipsers and laughs at us, but it doesn't matter, it is me and Josh against the world.

February 28th, 2017

Valentines day just past and let me tell you, it was a blast. Josh and I had some wonderful alone time if u know what I mean, but it was ruined because the guard told me to stop touching myself but that doesn't even make any sense, Josh was touching me.