Soukoku - Silent Understanding

9

Chuuya, for the first time in his life, was at a complete loss.

He had left Dazai's house pissed out of his mind, and rightfully so, but now he had no idea why he was feeling sad. It was like the whole world was collapsing around him and he was the only one alive. The loneliness felt like it would devour him piece by piece until there was nothing left.

Why should he have to feel this way? It was all Dazai's fault for kissing him and confessing to him so why did he have to suffer? It was all that bastard fault so Chuuya had no reason to even think about Dazai words. He would just forget them like everything else.

Except he couldn't forget, and that was the problem.

Those treacherous thoughts and the vivid image of Dazai kissing him plagued Chuuya's mind. He felt a tingling throughout his every bone all the way down to his toes. Dazai's body caressing his and the electricity that shot through him was constantly there; a vague reminder of what commenced between them.

Chuuya couldn't bare his thoughts nor did he want to forget the feelings Dazai stirred up inside him. His mind was slowly swirling around, working overtime in an attempt to understand what was going on inside him.

A definite shift shook Chuuya to the core as his own selfish desires started to change until he was split in two. One part wanting to hold Dazai close and never let go, the other demanding to run away and forget everything.

And honestly, to Chuuya, both sounded tempting.

"Oi would ya look at this! If it isn't Chuuya!" The gang leader said, all his other members looking at each other and cracking open smirks.

Chuuya let out a sigh but cracked open a painful smirk."What is it? Do you want it get your ass beaten again?! Huh?!"

The gang leader laughed, the rest of his crew joining in with him."I think your mistaken. If anyones getting there ass beaten its you! Theres nothing a lone wolf like you can do against us!"

"We'll lets see about that," Chuuya said, getting into a fighting stance.

With a loud battle cry the men came at him, throwing punches and bats and anything they could find in Chuuya's direction. Still it was a one sided fight, and Chuuya was winning.

Soon he felt a numbness flourish throughout his body. Throwing punch after punch without end, would this be how the rest of his life went? Chuuya enjoyed fighting, nothing could change that, but at this time he couldn't help but feel a strange sorrow wrack through his bones.

A lone wolf. Would that be him the rest of his life? Living by himself and striving by himself with no one to lean on for support. Chuuya didn't want to live like that.

With one last punch Chuuya finished off the gangsters. The satisfaction he usually felt wasn't there, in fact he felt even worse than he did before, sitting against a brick wall and looking down at his matted hands. He felt tired, both physically and mentally. He couldn't bring himself to move an inch.

Is this how he would live the rest of his life, scrounging off useless scraps without ever changing anything? Would anything ever change? Would anything ever change if Dazai was with him?

He still didn't know how to reply. The feelings inside him never settled, stirring and soon boiling throughout his every being. If Dazai was with him, Chuuya was sure he would be smiling down at him right now and crack some joke about how dead Chuuya looked. Then he would proceed to go on another one of his pointless suicide rants.

The thought made sure crack a tiny smile. For some reason, picturing Dazai with him wasn't so bad. He didn't care with anything extra had to come along with it, he wanted Dazai by his side, holding his hand through it all.

But how would he start? How could be possibly get that man by his side once again, kisses, bad puns, and everything?

"And then you put that candy in my show locker and I felt so incredibly happy."

Chuuya grinned, getting up from his spot against the wall and walking off with a purposeful stride. He finally knew what to do.