always // treebros soulmate au

chapter eight ~ always

evan was told that he wouldn't be able to be released from the hospital until his psychological health was deemed stable enough. so he just watered his bonsai tree and was grateful that they hadn't put him in the mental ward yet.

they prescribed him some stronger medications. evan's thoughts were better some days, and worse others. sometimes he just lay in bed and stared mindlessly at the tv screen all day. other times, he got up and got permission to walk around the hospital garden on the roof. it gave him an astounding view of new york, and he loved being around all the various types of flowers and plants.

evan often wrote to himself on little scraps of paper - a letter exercise his therapist back home had assigned him, one that he couldn't seem to shake.

dear evan hansen,

today is going to be a good day, and here's why...

when he had started the exercise, he made up things to make his therapist think he was doing better. now, when he wrote to himself, he didn't have to make up anything to make his therapist happy. he could just write out what he was feeling without any judgement, and that was nice.

on the bad days, the letters looked like a tornado had tried to write them. thoughts were spewed out in random places all over the paper, with some of it not connecting, barely making sense. his handwriting looked like what his elementary school teacher would've called "chicken scratch", and sometimes dried tear stains would stick to the pages.

on the good days, he was able to daydream to himself about what it would be like when he got out of the hospital, mostly what he would do with connor.

ironically, it was easier for him to write on the bad days than it was for him to write on the good ones.

***

one day, connor arrived, and it was a bad day. evan was staring up at the ceiling, studying the patterns in the tiles. he could absently feel tears falling down his cheeks, but he didn't care at this point.

"hey, baby. how are you?" connor softly asked, slowly making his way towards the bed.

and evan's tears started running down harder at the sound of connor's voice. his own anxious thoughts paralyzed him into stillness.

evan was always scared to let connor see him on the bad days. what if connor decided evan was too much of a mess? too much to handle? would he just leave and never look back?

little sobs started to escape his throat and he curled into a ball, hiding his face.

"hey, hey. it's okay," connor sat down beside him in his designated chair. he moved closer to the bed when evan didn't flinch.

he hesitantly placed a hand on evan's shoulder, and evan leaned into the touch.

"i brought you a couple of things," connor said. "can you turn around for me, or should i come over there?"

evan forced himself to turn on his bed, and now he was facing connor.

connor's face lit up. "there's those pretty blue eyes," he smiled, carefully running a hand through evan's hair.

evan smiled a little bit. connor was the only person that he would let touch him. there was some sort of connection between them - something besides the soulmate bond. it was some sort of mutual trust that evan had gifted to connor, even with this whole ordeal going on around them.

connor lifted up a small wooden box with an open top. inside, there were three little succulents.

evan felt his heart grow lighter at the sight. it was no secret that he loved plants, and he had wanted succulents for a while now. he immediately named them in his head - hazel, heather, and hannah. three names that he had always loved.

evan jumped up and kissed connor on the cheek, then grabbed the box and went to go place it by the window, next to his bonsai tree. connor brought a hand up and placed it on his cheek, a slight blush rising up on his face.

"one more thing - i, um, i got you a notebook," he continued.

evan spun around to see a little blue-green notebook and a set of pens - the really nice, smooth ones that you see at craft stores.

"i noticed that you're always writing stuff down on scraps of paper, so i figured maybe it would be easier to-"

connor's explaination was cut off when he was tackled in a hug.

evan was crying a little bit, thinking back on all of the things that connor had done for him, all of the love and care he had received.

and suddenly, evan couldn't be silent anymore.

"th-thank you," he croaked out, his voice raspy from lack of use.

connor's eyes widened and he held the smaller boy tighter.

"it's never been a problem, darling, and
it never will be," connor replied, somehow knowing the thank you was for more than just the gift.

"c-can i ask you something?" evan whispered as his anxious thoughts started screaming in his brain.

he'll never love you. no one will. you don't deserve him. you deserve a life of loneliness and unhappiness, and he knows it. he's going to leave you - why wouldn't he? everything good that has happened to you has left you - why would connor be different?

he'll give up on you eventually.

"of course," connor whispered back.

"c-connor..." evan started, and he pulled back to look into connor's gorgeous hazel eyes through his tears. was the voice inside his head right? something this good couldn't be his.

no. evan needed reassurance. he needed to silence these screaming thoughts.

"y-you won't give u-up on me, right?" he sniffed, pushing back his sobs.

connor's eyebrows crinkled in sadness, and he pulled evan closer, held evan tighter. "oh, god, no. never."

"b-but y-you're so good, and i-i'm so broken...." evan sobbed.

"hey. hey," connor interrupted. "shhh, it's okay. listen to me."

connor pulled back just enough to touch evan's forehead to his, and gazed into his eyes. "you're my soulmate, darling. i will always fight for you. always. and i will never, ever, just leave you to fight this battle by yourself, or any other battles we come across."

connor laced his fingers with evan's, and pulled back to place a kiss on his forehead. "let me be the voice to silence the ones in your head. i... i love you too much to let you go," connor admitted, getting choked up.

evan felt the words hit his heart, and suddenly all he could feel was a comforting warmth. "i-i think... i l-love you, too."

and the boys just sat there, fitting into each other's arms like they were puzzle pieces that had finally found their place.