Don't Say That (Completed)

I miss you

(Edited)

His smile was was full of yellow teeth and the smell of alcohol. But I already got myself into this situation, better bring it home. Leaning back in my seat I slightly pushed my chest out to make them seem bigger than they were. Lucky for me, I guess, I am wearing my crop top and shorts. So I showed more skin then I would have in anything else. "What's your name", I ask biting my lip a little. "Merle, But you can call me anything you want", I want to throw up. After that we started to drive down the road. He didn't talk to me much, just kept looking at me in the corner of his eye. I talked though, the plan is to get him to like me enough to get pretty close. But at this point I could say sex and he would be all over it. That is not how I will do it, I want him to make the move. If he does it I might not feel as bad for doing this. I can already see myself falling apart for what I want to do. But at this moment I am desperate, I need this truck. If he has a group I would be hunted if I just throw him out and took the car. I can't have that. The only weapon I have is a knife to protect myself. That might not even be enough to kill him. I can't believe I'm doing this. I need to. Survival of the fittest and my weapon in this world in my body. Even if I don't want it to be. Hopefully he uses his other head to make his choices today. Biting my lip I smirk over at him and place my hand on his lap. I already feel gross. I see his shoulders tense and a smirk come to his face as he pull the car over to the side of the road. With that I feel myself being pulled over onto his lap. As soon as I'm on him fully his lips connect to my shoulder and neck right away. This is my chance. Slowly and swiftly I pulled my knife out from under my shirt and brought it to behind him. Biting my lip I took a big breath and closed my eyes. He hands started to go up my shirt making me feel even grosser. That's when I heard silence. The weight on my chest as I'm pushed to the steering wheel. My hands were covered in blood, and the knife stuck out of his back. Let's be real. I'm so terrified of myself. taking the knife out I pushed him back onto the seat and looked at him. He looked like he was alive, but no breathing. Like he was sleeping, but no heartbeat. I just took a persons life. I took it for a truck. Wiping away the tears that have fell I got off his lap and stood outside next to where he was. As I came back to reality from looking at him for so long I pulled his body to the gravel. He laid there and slowly blood started to make a puddle around him. I killed him, I killed a person. Slowly I got in the truck and turned the key and the engine popped on. I started down the road the opposite way he was taking me. He was taking me back to where I was walking away from. That is not where I was to go, I want to find a place that is at least decent for me to live in while winter is here. Taking a deep breath to calm myself I continued down the road to the unknown.

So a day has passed and I can't help but feel guilt yell at me every second of the day. Why should I not feel this way, I killed a living human. It's not like killing the dead. It's not like anything I ever did in my life. Sitting up in the seat of the truck I look around before turning the car on. Going down the road I go a little slower than usual. For some reason I felt a ping of deja vu come to me as I passed buildings. But nothing came to mind what it was. That was true before I saw it. The cabin. The place I lived in for a month and was waiting for Troy in. I pulled into the drive in slowly and parked and just sat looking at it. Who would have thought I would have found my way here. The whole time I thought I was heading away from this city and the whole time I was going around it. Taking my knife from the passenger's seat I open the door and step out. The cold hit me like a grenade because wind flow passed me making goose bumps form on my skin. Kinda speed walking to the door I got to it and opened in. When the door was fully shut behind me I sighed leaning my back to the door. My eyes looked around the room. Remembering the familiar place. Blankets hung from all the windows. 3 books sat on the coffee table with a letter as well. It was untouched. I slowly walked over to it and looked at the writing 'Troy'. It was the letter I left for Troy when I left with Cole. Such different times back then. Now I'm a killer. I abandoned my friend and let the other walk away. Troy is gone. I need to get over it. He died in those woods running from the dead. And it might have been different if I didn't come back here and let him lead the things away. He could be alive right now. Could have been friends with Cole, and would have had a better chance at living in this world then me. I should have toughen up and led the herd not him. It's too late now, and I'm here by myself. Bringing my hand up to my necklaces I feel the lightning bolt. I miss you Troy.