Don't Say That (Completed)

Why

(Edited)

It was the middle of the night when Cole came back. He had a bag in his hand and his knife in the other. I was on the couch with my legs pulled up to my chest. Staring out the window wanting Isaac to just come back. To take me in his arms and tell me he won't leave me. But no. It was just Cole and a bag of food. My emotions have stopped and all I felt was empty. I still don't know why I felt this much for a guy I just met, but I did. Why do I need to feel so much for him? It would have been so much better if I never met him. I wouldn't be this weak. I never have been this weak. Even when dealing with my father I never have. Why was he effecting me so much that I felt empty without him with me? Cole said nothing as he set the bag on the table in front of me. He must know he left. How I was broken. I must look it. My weakness showing. If someone was to attack us right now I would let them kill me. I was willing to do so on the ruff before Isaac and Cole showed up. Why not now?

Cole and I said nothing to each other the whole night. Even morning was silent. He went out before I woke like he use to. But this time I watched as he left. I didn't sleep. I couldn't knowing Isaac was out there alone. It's my fault why he can't go back to that group. He was better there. They had walls and food. But now he was out there alone, no food, no walls. After a couple of hours Cole came back. Sighing I got off the couch, grabbed my knife and left. He said nothing to me, I said nothing to him. I could tell he felt regret for sending Isaac away. But what gets me is why. Why would he send him out here? The air was cold, it was starting to become winter. And in the north that meant snow. I walked down the porch with the knife locked in my hand, I knew Cole was following me. But it didn't bother me. So I kept walk, I walked for quite a while. The area I was in was calm. There were benches and a big pond in the middle. The view was nice I guess. Nothing was around. The only noise was the wind and Cole's feet hitting the ground. "Why", was all I said as I looked down in the water. My face was covered in dirt and my eyes were red. Dark cycles laid beneath my eyes and tear lines clearly seen down my face. "I don't know", I heard behind me. Shaking my head I let out a bitter laugh. That was all he was going to say. I don't know. That's a joke right. He sent out a person to defend themselves from dead cannibals and people willing to put a gun to your head and shoot. I knew Isaac could handle himself, but it didn't change the fact that I was worried about if he was alive or not. "Wow", I say looking at him. His face had no emotion, but his eyes showed sorrow and want. "All you have to say for yourself is 'I don't know'", I yell getting in his face. He was half a foot taller than me so I looked up at him. Never leaving eye contact he let me go on. "You made him leave into this fucked up world by himself", I yell. Another bitter laugh comes out of me. Closing my eyes I looked to the ground trying to calm myself. When I was calm enough to talk again I said, "why". My voice was quiet as I said the question again. Coles hand lifts my face to look at him. His green eyes were filled with sadness and worry. They flickered from my lips to my eyes as he said, "jealousy made me do it". "For what", I ask low. His breath his my lips as he got closer to me. Hand still under my chin. I could feel his thumb rub my bottom lip. "I was jealous because of you sweetheart", his voice was low and husky. My breath hitched as he said it. A smile crawls to his lips as he says, "but I know you don't feel the same". I didn't say anything. My voice was stuck, my mind swirling. It not like I didn't think of him like more then a friend. I literally wanted to get up early to hear his voice every morning. I would think of him without a shirt on and his green eyes calming me when I was panicking. My eyes wondered down to his lips and back up. We were so close together that I could feel his breath hitch when I did that. My hands pushed him away. I can't do this. He steps back putting a hand through his hair. "Thought so", he said. His voice was tinted with anger and sadness. I felt bad, but I would have felt worst to kiss him only to tell him I liked someone else. Did I just admit that to myself? Do I like Isaac? Biting my lip I look down. It's too late for me and Isaac, I made the choice to stay with Cole over him. Now Cole will probably leave because I don't like him like that. I do but I like Isaac more. Cole is more of a brother to me then anything else. I guess I just friend zoned him. "I'm sorry", I say backing up. I wanted to run. Get away from this moment. Knowing how I hurt him, I rejected him. Made him feel unwanted. I hurt just knowing what I did to him. And with that I turned around and ran. I ran as fast as I could as far away as possible. These feelings keep hitting me. I need to get away. Coles voice yelled for me in the distance, but I didn't look back.