Never As It Seems

Chapter 1

 I completely edited everything about this chapter and I plan on doing it with all of the other ones. I’m not happy AT ALL with this book. So make sure you look for the other edits! And leave feedback if you feel like it... but you don’t have to... no pressure... it would just mean a lot to me... hehehe...;)

 I shouldn’t be alive, but I am. I shouldn’t be sitting in a hospital room with hardly a scratch while my best friend is about to be buried, but I am. I shouldn’t have let him save me, but I did. And now he’s dead, and I’m not. It doesn’t make sense, right? Well believe me when I say I wish I could take his place. I wish I could make everything okay, and bring him back, but I just can’t.

I’ve lost the person who means most to me and there isn’t a thing I can do. Nobody should ever have to deal with this pain, but I couldn't keep it from creeping up on me. It was like the ache got into my blood and started to pump through my whole body. It wasn’t just my heart hurting. My whole body was pulsing with guilt.

Jacen was absolutely perfect. Not just according to me. Everybody saw him that way. He was incredibly close to his mother and father and was definitely not ashamed to let anybody know it. Going into his senior year, he was considered a football master. His friends practically worshiped his skills, and he was quarterback taking the team to their third state championship in a row. And I can’t forget his 4.0 GPA. That’s only because Jace wouldn’t let me forget it. He’d bring it up almost every day. His solid 4.0 compared to my 3.8, he’s so smart and I’m so dumb, of course. What are best friends for, right?

I smirked to myself, and then felt my smile falter. God, I miss him. So much.

Last but definitely not least, he was gorgeous. And I mean gorgeous. He had that windblown black hair that made most girls melt. One look with his green and brown specked eyes would make the girls weak in the knees. Not to mention his amazingly cut body. The good thing about Jace was he didn’t act like he was hot. I mean, of course he knew. He just wasn’t the type to show it.

I shook my head and bit my lip, trying to remember how to breathe. I looked over to my left and noticed a nightstand next to my bed. A few pictures were sitting there next to a glass of water. I grabbed the glass and chugged it down, just realizing how thirsty I was. After that, I picked up the first picture. My heart sank into my stomach as I stared at Jace’s face.

We had a tradition we’d been following for about 8 years. Every weekend, we would get together and watch scary movies until the sun came up. In this picture, the two of us were passed out on the living room floor, probably with food comas. Junk food and soda cans littered the floor and the sun was clearly shining in the background. I flipped the picture over and looked at the date. When it was taken, I was 15 and he was 16, so only about two years ago.

I bit my lip again and set the picture down, grabbing the second one. In this one, it was a shot of the two of us, faces squished to the camera. My hazel eyes were stinging with tears from laughing so hard. I’m ridiculously ticklish, which of course, Jacen knew. Out of nowhere one afternoon, he attacked me and snapped a picture when I was practically crying.          

 The sudden realization that there would be no more weekend sleepovers and no more of Jacen’s tickling torture made my breath catch. I set the pictures down and dropped my head into my hands. For some reason, the tears just wouldn’t come. I figured I was in shock. I mean, a few tears had leaked through, but the big breakthrough was still coming, I could feel it. With my head lowered, I pieced the memory of that night back together in my head.

************************************************************************

Jacen had just picked me up from my house. We were headed back to his place for our weekend movie night. He was acting really weird for some reason, but I let it slide. I noticed he had his hair styled a little differently.