Never Mix

Chap. 1 Coals Keep Living

Axel P.O.V.

I hate winter. Dad never pays the bills so we don't have heat, not only that but I don't have a car so I have to walk to school and work in the damn snow... But I shouldn't complain, at least I don't live on the south side where people run wild and police don't even dare go. This morning seemed the worst yet. I attempted to sleep on the splintering wooden floor by the overused fireplace and now I'm sore. My eyes wander to the still burning coals in the fireplace which makes me sigh, wondering why the coal was like that and it chose to keep fighting for survival. Why couldn't it just give up and let its flame go out. Yet I choice to feed the fire and throw on the last log, slowly pulling my aching body to put on clothes for school. It didn't help that my long hair got matted last night from my sisters actually attempting to murder me with toy trucks. It wasn't my fault I 'accidentally' threw one of the toy taxi's out the window. I hear my dad yell my name from his room, wanting to continue to walk to my room and disappear out the door but I know he wants me to bring him his depression meds. "Coming!" I yell back, hoping I didn't wake my three sisters and scooted around to grab the pills and a glass of water before arriving at his broken door. I simply nudge it open with my hip and slip in. He laid shirtless in bed next to what seemed to be a sleeping prostitute, I keeping his eyes on my dad as I handed everything to him. "Why the hell didn't you bring it quicker!" My dad grumbled, ripping the things from my shaky skinny hands. "Sorry dad, I'll be faster next time." I tried to smile at him, my dad rolling his eyes. "Boy, why aren't you looking at the girl next to me? You need to look at women more often, you act like a damn fag!" He hissed, his breath smelling of cigarettes. "No, no dad I have a girlfriend. Sarah. I've been with her for three years." I tried to explain, giving up as my dad yawned.

I'm done getting ready as I pass a paper bag to all my sisters, it having four dollars in each to by lunch. "If anyone asks for your money just tell them you have an awful disease that is transmittable by touch. I promise they won't take it." I smiled, all them shrugging and went to walk to the bus stop together. "Be safe! Please don't go to close to the south side." I mumbled, grabbing a nub of bread before walking out the door myself. I wonder why the hell they kept school going in this weather with this much snow and ice. I slowly walk down the icy street to get to the high school. It's at least two miles away but that's not too far because the soccer helps. I put on glasses to cover my eyes, everyone always looking at them because of their different colors. It wasn't my fault the orbs stabbed into my skull weren't the same. Nothing seemed the same to me. Which pissed me off, knowing things couldn't be the same, knowing that things always changed. Meaning we have to move on and not look back... Which is hard, after all the shit that has happened in the last few years with my brother and mother. My thoughts keep me from thinking of the cold as I realize I'm at the school, seeing Sarah talk to her friends and then wave to me. I notice her nails are newly painted, which I realize guys shouldn't notice. The small things... Which confuses me but I ignore it as I kiss her lightly. No spark. But that is the spark, thinking that one day I'll find the spark with her. "Hey honey, how are you? You look tired..." Sarah murmured, pushing my hair out of my face and took off my sun glasses. "I'm okay, you're always worrying." I laughed, looking down at her as she rolled her eyes, making me sit down so she could braid my hair. I lean back into her until the bell rings, my eyes widening because that noise always made me freeze up. It reminded me of when I had to run to class from those stupid kids from back in the days. "Love you, I'll see you at lunch." I coo cutely, loving to charm her as she laughed at me, kissing her cheek lightly as I slipped off in the other direction in the long washed white halls. I can't even hear my fucking thoughts in these halls with all the screams and stomping and smacking. I hate it here, the only reason I'm even still in school is because of Sarah. She's honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. Even though she HAS messed up a few times with accidentally being with other guys and maybe.. sometimes girls but it isn't her fault. I mean, I should have been with her more, at least that's what she says. I'm trying to be a better boyfriend, for her and my sake. She's just so difficult at times, throwing tantrums about how she wants sex and I don't want to do it. She screams how I don't get hard when she try's to bounce on me and do such weird things. I just don't get it... But that doesn't matter, I need to focus on finally getting good grades for once. Especially because I need to get into a good college so I can support the triplets. They aren't necessarily triplets but we just call them that because it's easier. God my mind is wandering, I need to focus.

Lunch is always the time when Sarah gets mad, when I don't by her lunch or treat her like a princess. I know I should, but I start to over analyse it like I over analyze everything. She doesn't treat me like a princess, well... I mean prince, just like a servant. But I get her lunch and meet her at our usual spot in the tiny library. We are usually the only ones there so she always tried to get intimate with me, which sort of made me uncomfortable but I just go along with it to be a good boyfriend. I sit down slowly, my hands shaking for some strange reason as she walks over. her slender arms wrapping around my neck and attack me with her fierce kisses. It made me laugh and pull her around to sit next to me and we sat making out. I don't understand why women are such strange creatures, their personality changing in a blink of an eye. I still don't understand what she means when she blames her yelling and crying on 'the time of the month'.  What does that mean? Its just a Thursday! I realize then that I'm still kissing her and I need to breath, pulling away and huffed, attempting to regain my breath. "Sorry, forgot to breath." I mumble, she laughed quietly and then pull my face back to her and looked me dead in the eyes. I notice there isn't anything in her eyes. I mean, yes there is color and a pupil but no... Life, I can't see threw them. Its actually terrifying but I couldn't say that. "Axel, lets do it. Right now. I don't care if we get caught. I know you want it, and I know I want it. Stop being such a pussy and do it." She said seriously, making me freeze. No, I want to say no. But I don't know why, I love her. A lot. But it doesn't seem right. Yet I give in. "If it'll make you happy..." I whisper, her face lighting up and kissing me repeatedly. "Thank God, I was honestly about to leave your ass if you didn't!" She giggled, I honestly can't tell if she's joking or not but I ignore it and kiss her again. I can feel Sarah smirk as she kisses me, beginning to straddle me and touch my chest. I don't exactly know what getting turned on means but I don't feel that way right now. She tries to put her cold hand down my pants but I quickly pull her hand out of there. "Sarah... I just..." I start to explain but I can already see the anger building on her light porcelain face. Her once deep blue eyes now were almost like fire. "GOD DAMN IT AXEL!!! NOT EVEN FUCKING ONCE CAN YOU GET HARD!! YOU'RE SO FUCKING WEIRD!!!" She yelled, getting off of me. I'm already in shock as she pores the milk carton over my head.... Didn't expect that. "Sarah, please. I'll figure it out, I promise." I try to compromise but shes already flicking me off and walking away. My head falls in my hands has I wipe off my sweater and throw away the lunch I bought her. Once again, I screwed up and I'm not a good boyfriend.

I decide to skip the rest of the day to calm down and head back home to change and get ready for work. Work is actually a lot of fun, the convince store keeps me entertained when guys awkwardly walk in to buy condoms and girls walk in to buy lube. It's hilarious actually, also over hearing on conversations is the best, people talk about the craziest thing. The one thing I hate about that damn store is... Its on the boarder of the north and south side.

I treat myself today and take the bus, my sister having my gloves and hat so I feel like I'm about to freeze my ass off as I head into the store, turning the sign to 'open'. The shift goes perfectly until a tall guy walks into the store, something in his hand but I can't tell. It doesn't bother me until he walks up to the register and hisses. "Hands up."