March 23, 2014
Dear James,
I know that name seems pretty lame right now but there's a back story to it.
Basically I chickened out on telling Josie I was a bloke. I was afraid she'd treat me differently and Harry teased me for it. I'm done telling him things.
Josie and I were having one of those late night conversations last nigh though where we just confessed everything. She had just gotten in a fight with her mum and just lost it, venting to me about everything. Basically, her and her mum haven't had a good relationship for awhile, ever since she caught her mum smoking again. She told her dad, being a good Samaritan and daughter, and her mum just can't stand her.
Then she complained to me a little bit more about her boyfriend, Trent. She confessed how much she missed him since he's in the U.K. and well, she's still in Spain. He hasn't been talking to her that much and she doesn't like that. She doesn't want him to influence her decision on going to the colleges in the U.K., but she's leaning more towards it now cos she doesn't understand the way he's acting and thinks he's hiding something.
That's when me feelings got to me. I know he's hiding something from her, it's obvious, but I'm hiding something from her as well. I knew it wasn't the right time to tell her that I'm Niall Horan, but I had to be honest with her and tell her that I was a lad. It was just the right time to confess and I didn't chicken out.
I finally told her.
At first, she was a bit freaked out and I was afraid. I don't know how I'd react if she rejected me. I've grown so attached to her already and I just can't even imagine what I'd do. She was asking me all of these questions and I obliged, telling her everything. The only thing I didn't tell her is that I'm Niall. She knows now that I'm in a band, but she thinks it's a garage band. She knows I have four best mates and that we plan to make it as big as One Direction. I'm trying to lie to her the least amount of times possible.
This is around the point where she finally asked me for me name and I freaked out cos I didn't have one. She didn't know me name from before and now she finally wants to know. I kind of panicked and told her me name was James, as in me middle name. She didn't even point out that me name was the same as Niall Horan's middle name and I'm taking that as a good sign.
She admitted to me that it'll be a little awkward now that I'm a bloke, but she'll get over it soon enough. She's just going to return to a shy ball for a little bit. She laughed at how big of a plot twist it was that I'm a guy when I told her and I admit I had to laugh at it me self. I forget how our fan girls use their fan-fiction references and writings in real world context, but that just makes them all the more interesting. I can't deny that.
I'm just happy that she's still going to talk to me.
Now to explain why I'm going to call this inanimate object James, I bloody hate writing dear diary. It's weird to just start a journal entry with nothing, but "dear journal" or "dear diary" just won't do it for me.
I thought James was pretty clever me self. He's like my alternate identity. Kind of like a superhero! Okay, I know in no way is a diary like a super hero. I'm not that stupid. I don't know how to explain this too well. It all sounded so much better in me head. Calling this thing James reminds me of why I'm doing this in a sense if that makes any sense. Jesus now I'm confusing myself.
Calling James, James, reminds me that I'm keeping him because I'm lonely. I won't need James once I'm no longer lonely. Hopefully that won't be too long since I'm already talking to other lasses. I'm not talking to too many, maybe only around 3 more besides Josie. None of them have caught my interest as well as her, but I'm hoping one will soon, especially since they're all really cute.
We'll have to see though!
I'm gonna go chill with Ashton and Michael. Man those lads know how to have fun. They're all gonna come back and hang at my place later with Luke and Calum too. I just hope they don't destroy my kitchen with cereal again. They know how to make a mess, but I'm gonna make them clean it up this time! Aha talk to you later James.
Niall xx
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A/N: in case you haven't noticed yet, this book is going to have extremely slow updates, but I'll do what I can. I promise the chapters will get longer, especially when the love interest comes in. Just be patient guys. Muah. And please vote, it'd mean the world to me.
Alex xx
