March 4, 2014
Dear Diary,
That is how you start these things, right? I'm kind of new to this stuff. I've never been one to deal with me feelings until now because they're over whelming. I need to write them down and clear me mind, ya know?
I don't know exactly how to describe all of these emotions that are jumbling around inside me head. They're everywhere and I can't really make out much of them, but one.
I'm lonely.
I know that I really shouldn't be saying that. What more could I want? I have four best mates, the best fans in the world and unconditional love from me family. Seems perfect, right? Well, it's not anymore. I know I sound greedy, but that's only because I do want more. This life isn't fun to go through alone.
I know I'm not literately alone. I'm surrounded by a lot of people, almost too many to handle. I'm not going to lie and say that they're horrible because they really aren't. They are all the best at what they do and they provide me with entertainment, but I just feel like they don't want me there from time to time. I know me family doesn’t. They get annoyed because I do like attention. That's why I tend to jump from group to group often.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know they're all fed up and like to go off, doing their own things. I guess I'm kind of doing the same right now. I'm here, sitting in me room all by myself just thinking about how crazy things have become.
I'm sort of a huge pop star. I'm not just that silly lad from Ireland anymore that used to prance down the streets, singing, trying to make everyone laugh. I don't get to school anymore and get to fight with me parents all the time like I loved when I was younger. I don't have that ugly tooth that grossed out the girls back home. I don't talk to me childhood friends anymore because they believe that the fame has gotten to me head, but it hasn't, has it? I don't get to go out and just have fun and breathe anymore.
The only time I get to go out and have fun now a days is when I'm on the stage with me mates or can just maybe get out without being recognized, which isn’t often. We're just running around and having fun when on stage, without a worry in the world and I miss it. Now I'm normally locked up in me room/flat or on the bus, with hardly any room when on tour, always surrounded by screams that haunt me in me dreams. I admit that the fans do scare me from time to time.
Don't get me wrong though, I love me fans more than anything in the world. They are me world. They're the best fans I could ask for. I consider them me third family, the lads and crew coming second compared to me real family. I just wish I could talk to them more without them flipping out. I am normal, ya know? I just wish some of them would see that.
And some do. That's why I have a fan account. Weird, I know. That's the only way I can get to know them though without them flipping out. I've actually met some pretty nice ones too, but we don't talk long. A week at most. It's sad, but allows me to interact with more of them.
I've got to stop writing in here now though because I've got a new album to help produce. I guarantee that we'll have some sick tunes, but I want to keep record of this year, starting now, so I don't get too stressed. Um well yeah.
Niall xx
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A/N: I've figured this book out a bit more and decided to rewrite it because I didn't like what I was doing with the last version. I promise you that the chapters do get longer as he gets more into writing. He's still kind of awkward about the whole thing. I hope you all like this book. I'm trying to make it sound more intelligent than my others because most of those ones are shit. Not going to lie.
One question though, what should the name of his love interest be?
Alex xx
