April 27, 2014
Dear James,
Tour has started and it's fucking amazing! Life is great and me and my mates have missed the exhilarating feeling of being on stage.
It's been hilarious watching the fans freak out over us on stage. I admit, we're a little more bold this show especially now that we know what we're doing. We don't let modest! control us like they used to. We have an opinion and it matters.
So basically we're being teases on stage and swearing, something not uncommon to our fans.
Josie will face time me, asking me about every moment on tour, seeing if the rumors are real and it's nice. It makes me think that I don't need love even though I have it now.
Yes, you heard me right.
It's been a month since I've started talking to that lass from the states and we're really hitting it off. Her name is Estelle and she is really getting to me. I think I might love her, but I know that it doesn't happen this easily. She doesn't know I'm me yet, but I plan on telling her tonight or tomorrow. Josie said I had to wait so it'd be more believable. I had to admit that I agreed, knowing it was wrong to of just dropped that on her like that.
Let's just say I don't drink as much anymore.
Yes, I'll still have an occasional drink, but I'm not going to get drunk like that again. The hangover that it caused was fucking terrible and I spilt things out that I wasn't supposed to, such as my identity. Josie also sort of told me all of the bad effects it has on you so I don't want to do that anymore. Stupid Josie.
Damn I can't stop thinking of Estelle.
She's legitimately perfect. She's gorgeous, she loves to eat. Well, she may love to eat, but she doesn't do it often sadly. I understand that people have their own problems and I'm going to help her through hers. She just has that one thing(chuckles). I was talking to more lasses that just her, but she's the one that drew me in for some unknown reason and I'm glad.
I feel like everything is just falling into place for me, ya know? It's all coming together like I wanted it too and I don't feel so lonely anymore. I feel loved, appreciated and important. I don't feel like all I do is annoy people with the way that I crave attention. It's nice. It's really nice.
I can tell the lads have noticed a huge difference in the way I act too. They have more of a tolerance of me now that I don't crave so much attention. I'm getting that attention from Estelle and Josie and they like it. They don't hear me complain as much, neither do I hide in me bedroom. I'm just that happy-go-lucky lad that makes everyone laugh. Harry and I have gotten around to doing our usual shenanigans again and it's nice, I've missed it.
I was always closest to Harry in a way and I assume it's because we're so alike. It's the same way with Louis too. All three of us just get on best because Zayn and Liam are more serious. Zayn is in to his art and Liam is too focused on his relationship, something that is going downhill really fast right now and I feel bad for him. I mean, I'm finally almost in a relationship and Liam is losing his. It's weird.
Liam always mopes around, playing sad music. He even cries during a few of our songs on stage, worrying me. I know he doesn't want things to end between him and Sophia, none of us do. There isn't much we can do about it though and we can't prepare him for the end. We just have to hope for the best for him.
Zayn and Perrie are brilliant. They have almost decided on a date for their wedding officially. They want to wait until next year when they're both on a break and don't have to rush anything. They want to be able to celebrate right, not rushed or anything and I don't blame them. Zayn has warned us that they'll disappear for a little bit on their own and I don't mind. I might do the same afterwards. Imagine if I flew Estelle out for the wedding? What if Josie and Trent came too? Who knows maybe even her Elizabeth friend?
This is all just turning out perfect. I will have to talk to Zayn later. I know it's a bit crazy that I'm starting to like Estelle so much so fast, but I know that she just might end up being the one. The chemistry between us is it. Everything makes sense when I'm with her, well at least almost everything.
What doesn't make sense to me, Josie helps me understand. I'm so happy that I've arranged a date to meet her finally. I'm going to go once we have a break between our South American tour and our European one. Her country is pretty close to mine I believe. It's just Spain. It's not too far from Ireland, right?
It doesn't even matter.
Everything is perfect. Song writing for our album is pretty much done. We're recording finally. Liam told the fans and they're excited, supporting us as they always have. Tour is going amazing. Things with my friends are amazing. Everything with Estelle is brilliant, I just have to tell her about me being well me.
Life can't get any better, right?
Niall xx
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A/N: I plan to have this book finished by the end of summer which starts in two weeks for me. It's not over yet. I also would to apologize for the length of this chapter and how long it took me to get it for you guys. I have no motivation really.
Alex xx
