Forever Free

Inquiries

Is it worth the energy to commit to someone that isn't fully sure of what they want?

Am I fooling myself?

Do I hold a position? As in, am I second choice? A space to fill? An option when your alone and have nothing else, or no one else?

Does this mean I'm degrading myself, because I allow this even though I acknowledge it?

Does my affection for you change the way I see myself based on how you interact?

Why do you treat me differently alone and when in public? Do I embarrass you? Are you ashamed or me? Do you think I hurt your image?

I wish I could understand. I wish I could communicate the way I want to. To speak my mind without hesitation or fear of cussing you pain.

Maybe . . . Maybe this confirms who I believe I am. Maybe I'm not magnificent and I don't love myself the way I should. Maybe I hate myself. Maybe you see this. Maybe . . . Maybe I just want you to see me as something special.

I notice the way you change. The way you no longer care to catch me when I falter in my steps. The way you no longer seem interested in conversing with me. The way you no longer care to appreciate me. And instead only tease my body. What about my mind? My soul?

Open your eyes. Do you really see what your missing out on? I wish it didn't matter to me. But it does. The way you see me. The way you feel about me. The way you interact with me.

It all comes back to: am I reading into this to much?

I feel useless.

Hopeless.

Alone.

And the thing is, I know I'm not, but I still feel like this is my problem and I should be able to solve it.

Plus, I hate asking​ for help.

Either accept me for who I am and love it.

Or fuck off and stop wasting your time trying to change me.

Choose.