Forever Free

Opinions

"You're so fucking mean! You treat me like a piece of shit!"

Like a broken recored the words screamed at me repeat mercilessly in my ears.

"I don't need you attitude and snarky comments!"

I just sit there motionless, numb; as I try to register the words that beat me into a million pieces, like a baseball bat taken to glass.

"Don't look at me! Don't talk to me! I want nothing to do with you! Don't expect anything from me anymore!"

All I hear is the dreadful screaming playing over and over again. Play. Stop. Rewind. Repeat.

My heart leaps in terror when I hear the pounding of feet rush down the stairs, following close behind are heated voices enraged and in fierce combat.

I can't run away fast enough. All I want to do is disappear. Find a corner, hide and make it all go away. I can't take these episodes anymore.

These glimpses of the past reaching through the wall I built destroy me. They send me right back to those horrible places.

Where the gremlins lurk, the shadows eat away at my soul and I fade away into the oblivion of empty nothingness.

This is my reality.

How is the one person who is supposed to love you, and care for you, and protect you, make you feel so small, empty, useless, hated and vulnerable all at one time.

All they have to do, to demolish you into nothing more than forgotten leftover dirty crumbs laying on the ground; is call you "mean".

So simple to say. Not a special word. But the damage, the result is the same as a nuclear bomb.

It just keeps coming back to stab you in the back, the chest, the heart, the lungs; everywhere.

Until there is absolutely nothing left but a bloody heap of despair and pain left alone.

How can you not help but ask yourself if everything is true. If your really mean, useless, worthless, meaningless...

You understand that there are at least two people at fault.

But in the end, are those words all I truely am?