High School Love Life

August

Update: This summer I've gained a lot of friends and lost a few. Some of the bridges I burnt got rebuilt, like with James. Right now I talk to James, Jason, the Outliers (who consist of Ezra, Juan, myself, and five others) and my friend from NJ.
Update: Ezra and I have feelings for each other.
Update: I started school at California School of the Arts, and even though Kyra got in, she decided not to go. James goes here, and from what I'm witnessing, he's trying to be apart of a "popular" group, because whenever I try to talk to him, he ignores me to talk to someone more popular.
Update: I've been making friends! My closest friend at the new school is a girl named Lola. She's shy, sweet, and loves playing cards!
Update: There is a super cute girl named Kari who goes here!! She's been flirting with me recently. I'd love to get to know her better and perhaps date in the future, but at the same time I like Ezra, he makes me happy and I feel like I can really be myself around him. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to lead her on if I'm not interested, but the thing is, I am interested... Should I continue to grow closer with Kari knowing what it will turn into? Or should I tell her that I like someone else...? AGH. The more time I spend with Ezra the closer I feel towards him, and the more time I spend getting to know Kari, the more I'd like to spend with her! Since Kari and I barely met, I won't make any rash decisions.
Update: I've decided not to flirt back with Kari and just see if she wants to be my friend :)
Update: I'm really stressed because Ezra is attending college now, and he wants to really focus on his major, meaning no free time to see me or any of our other friends. Our friend group will fall apart soon, it's inevitable. I just wish I could have been apart of it longer than just over the summer. I've grown really close to these guys, and I want us to stay in as tight of a group as we have been and not drift away or leave like my previous friend groups did. I'm hoping that they still want to hang out with me after the group as a whole disapates, or by some miraculous chance we don't split up. Back to focusing on Ezra (set aside the rest of the Outliers). Just a recap, I constantly worry (that's what I've always done best). This time I'm worrying about Ezra and I, and the lack of time we'll get to spend together, even on the weekends. I constantly miss him and want him with me, but I don't know when the next time is that I'll even get to see him in person. AGH! I hate having problems that are out of my control! My only options at this point are 1. Maintain our relationship over texting and calling, or 2. Move on. Let me get this clear. I don't want to move on, my feelings for Ezra are strong and real, and I want us to work. On the flipside, I want the physical part of the relationship as well as the verbal. (I am a very touchy person, I need human contact.)
ANYWAYS you're welcome for my super long paragraph of my current anxiety ;)
Update: I think I love him. I mean, I have loved him, but only platonically... until now.