Leaving Justin Bieber

Chapter 58

"Day 14:

So after my phone call, Mum flew over with Harry to be with me for my final days.
There was no awkward silences or uncomfortable talks about death, I felt at ease that what had happened had been caused by science. God didn't choose to have the tumour implanted, no one forcefully made sure I'd hit my head that hard?
It would be silly of me to react into such a tantrum about it, because that wouldn't change that I was going to die. It would only create excessive stress for everyone just as much as myself.
But this is fine to me, of course it's not fine, but it is.

Because I'm staying strong, Mum bought me a small journal to write in for my last days on earth. I don't know how to write that poetically because at the end of it all, I'm going to die. And after all, death isn't that much of a beautiful thing.
So from now on, my thoughts will be here.
If you're wondering how Justin is, I'm also wondering the same thing. I haven't heard a peep from him or the crew since they came to my house to check if Selena's news was true.

I would write in here longer but it's time for my tube change, it helps my oxygen and it gives me extra energy if necessary. I won't sign off like a blog, but I'll sign it like someone close is reading, cause I know it'll happen in the future.

I love you always,

Natalie"

— • — • — • —

Justin P.O.V

4 hours I spent alone packing my bags and unpacking them straight after

It was torture

My mind was here there and everywhere about what I wanted and what was best for everyone
Extracts of voices circled and I was lost.

"Was it my fault? Did I bring her to this? No I couldn't have! It was her fault for winning that competition in Miami!

But how did she know this would happen? No one could've known because it's not physically possible!

Or does she have sources that could've made all of this happen? For fame and media publicity, to shame me!"

'Justin?'

I stopped pacing and looked up at the door out of breath

"Y-yeah?"

I heard a slow sigh

'Have you taken your meds this morning?'

I ran my fingers thru my hair in search for them

"Yeah h-here they are! Beside my bed"

I watched Scooter shake his head in misery

'Justin you've been screaming at that wall for nearly 10 minutes. You know that your medication is good for you, it stops things like this. You have 28 pills, one for when you wake up and one for just before you go to sleep. You've had them nearly a week and there is still 28 in there'

I shook my head violently, sweat starting to thicken thru my hair

"No no! You're wrong, I've taken them! Honest! I've been good and I've been drinking water with them and I've followed the label just like he said and I've been tracking the times I take them and it's 8am and 11pm see I'm doing what's been told I'm listening I'm doing good"

Scooter stared blankly at me as I struggled to gain back my normal breathing pattern

'Justin, this isn't the behaviour you'd possess if the tablets had been taken. There is 28 in the bottle. You will start them tomorrow for definite'

He turned to leave and stopped

'Buddy, please don't think about now taking a handful all at once. They're powerful, and I don't wanna lose you'

He smiled a sad smile, and shut the door

I stared down at the bottle, I couldn't do it. It was too much. I didn't need them, I was fine! I mean I am fine, I am yeah I am fine

I laughed to myself and shook my head, a glance in the mirror was all it took to see that I was in denial

"I'm fine?" I cried to myself in the mirror as tears dropped down my face and my lip quivered uncontrollably

I took the small photo wedged inside the mirrors outer frame and held it in between my fingers, I needed help but I didn't want her to know

'Buddy?'

I didn't even flinch as the door was knocked on, it didn't seem to matter anyway because Scooter walked slowly through shutting the door gently behind him

He noticed the picture and sat infront of my feet on the ground

'Want me to give her a call? She'll help you take your meds...'

I continued to let my lip quiver as my eyes became red and swollen, nodding helplessly, he ran his thumb over my hands and dialled her number

'Natty Lou?'

I heard a small voice at the end of the line but it was too quiet to make out. He smiled and nodded and slowly moved the phone towards my hands

'She wants to talk to you bud'

I took the phone from him and he got up and left the room, again shutting the door behind him

I heard her gentle tone as I sat up

'Hello? Is anyone there?'

I held it to my ear

"Hello?"

Her tone changed instantly

'Justin, hi sweetness how are you?'

I began sobbing uncontrollably

'Hey hey, I know Justin it's hard I know. You know those medicines will help you stop feeling so sad? You have to help yourself lovely'

I wiped my eyes and nodded, pointlessly as she couldn't even see me

'Scooter said you have 28 pills to take, 1-'

"1 for the morning and 1 for night"

I felt some sort of smile down the line

'Well done Justin, tomorrow I'd like you to take that first pill please. Once the first is down, the journey to recovery begins. You can do that Justin, you can save yourself a life worth leaving behind. I know the real Justin is dying to burst out, he's just lost his way. The meds help him find his way, are we gonna help him Justin?'

I shook my head and wiped my eyes

'Please Justin, if not for you, help me sleep at night and do it for me'

I nodded and sniffed heavily

"For you"

She breathed out a sigh of relief

"But no one else no one else!!!"

She hushed down the line

'Okay cutie pie no one else, just me'

It fell silent and she spoke quietly

'I have to go now Justin, I have things to do. If you need me just let Scooter know and I'll be on the other end of the line. Stay safe and take those pills tomorrow. Bye Justin'

I sat silently as she waited, but I didn't speak. So she cut the line. I didn't mind, I didn't want to say goodbye. I'm not ready to say goodbye.