Sophie's feelings towards her best friend, Gabriel, she protects like it's her dearest treasure, in fear of someone finding them. In fear of him finding out. So she grabs her pen and writes her loveletters which he will never receive.
Dear Gabe Today it's exactly one month since I last sat down to write you a letter. And honestly, I kind of missed it. I missed connecting with you when I really am not.
That's right. I feel like we've drifted apart. And that makes me mad. No, it makes me furious.
I've been trying to text you. I've asked you how you are. You just answer "good x". You don't even bother to ask me the same. Guess you're too caught up in your new life.
So I've stopped texting you. You also broke your very first promise. You told me you'd facetime me the other day at 10 pm. I sat up waiting for your call, you know. But you never showed up on my phone screen. I sat up until 4 am. 4 am! I hate myself for it, to be honest. I'm such a fool for you.
I know you started school today. I sent you a text asking when you start. You actually answered. But it was only a quick answer.
The past month I haven't done much. I went out shopping with Alexa. She insisted to buy me a dress for her birthday party she had here last week. I love wearing dresses. You know that. I love dressing up. I'm a typical girly girl.
The dress is dark blue. My favourite colour, which you know as well. It's the same colour as your hoodie. (I still wear it every single night.) The colour also reminds me of your eyes. Your eyes. Oh, how much I miss them. I miss looking into them while you assure me everything's fine. Or while you hug me when I feel down.
I should stop all this memory shit. It's starting to drain me for energy. I sleep bad at night because I overthink everything.
And the other day, mum asked me: "Have you talked to Gabriel since he moved?"
«Yeah. He seems to be enjoying America a lot,» I answered.
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" she then asked.
I stared at her. You have no idea. I miss him so fucking much it hurts, my mind said.
But I just answered: "Yes."
I can't even tell my own mother how I really feel. Because I know she will tell your mother. And your mother will tell you.
And there is no way I will let you find out that I have strong feelings for you. No way. That won't work out, I know it won't.
I will try and text you now. Let's see if you answer.
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