Sophie's feelings towards her best friend, Gabriel, she protects like it's her dearest treasure, in fear of someone finding them. In fear of him finding out. So she grabs her pen and writes her loveletters which he will never receive.
It really describes how I feel. I am a mess. I am a fucked up, confused mess. All because of you.
Mum's trying to get me out of the house. But I don't want to. The only thing I do is go to school, come home, do my homework, maybe eat something, go to bed and lay there until I fall asleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And repeat again.
You caused all this. But I still can't hate you. I don't know if I ever can hate you. I love you. And hate you. All at once.
God, it's so damn confusing.
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Letter #16
September 5th, 2015
Dear Gabe
You called me today. I have never asnwered a call so fast in my life before. I've never reacted so fast when I saw your name light up on my screen and the photo of you with Alexa's underwear on your head.
I answered right away.
"Hello?" I said with a shaky voice.
"Sophie! It's been such a long time!" You exclaimed. The sound of your voice made me smile, but I frowned when you called me Sophie. I've always been Soph to you. But maybe you've changed that too.
"Yeah, um... how are you?" I asked.
"I'm amazing! Listen, I need your help." You said. I wondered what you needed me to help you with from the other side of the world.
"Okay, so I started high school, and... I met this girl -" you started.
My eyes widened. "What?" I interrupted you. You met a girl?
"Yeah... And I really like her. Her name is Vicky. And, since you're my only female friend, I thought you could give me some advice?"
I just sat there. Trying to take in what I just heard.
You met a girl. You met a girl named Vicky. And you call me all of a sudden, just because I am your only "female friend" and you need advice. Not because you necessarily wanted to actually talk to me, maybe wish me a happy late birthday, or just ... talk to me. No, you wanted my advice so you could go and hit up on some girl. You probably don't understand how much that broke my heart.
I gulped. "I -" I couldn't say anything. I just sat there, with my mouth wide open. For a damn long time.
"Sophie?" You called me by my whole name again. "Are you there?"
I didn't answer. I hung up.
Because guess what; I won't give you any piece of shitty advice for how to hit up a girl. You know why?
Because I loved you first.
I hope that one day, I will be able to tell you that.
I also hope that one day, you will have your eyes wide open enough to see it.
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