(COMPLETED) The Lunar Chronicles - Winter's Summer

Part 22

"Thanks. I was feeling a little trapped in there, and I just needed to leave."

"I understand. All that baby talk was a lot. But still. A girl! How exciting is that?" Thorne's grin widened, thinking of Winter's unborn child. Cress nodded, sadly.

"It's great." Her voice was not so much breaking but broken. Thorne's smile fell from his face, and he stopped walking, putting a pair of reassuring arms around Cress. She fell into his embrace, completely dead weight in his arms. Tiny sobs could be heard from Cress, her sadness much too large for her petite body.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay. We'll be okay." This wasn't the first time Cress had broken down like this. Ever since they had arrived on the farm, Cress had been feeling weepy, and that amplified since she found out about Iko. Thorne didn't really know about their relationship, but Thorne knew they were close.

He had tried being there for Cress, doing whatever she needed, either lightening the mood, hugs on demand 24/7, or just leaving her alone. He tried to make his trouble seem like it mattered less by helping Cress deal with hers. But he was a wreck. He couldn't sleep. Barely ate. It took all of his energy to think of sarcastic comments.

The couple had been a mess ever since Winter had announced her pregnancy. Thorne had been so excited at the prospect of their friends having a kid, he started talking to Cress about having kids of their own.

She had been ecstatic. Both of them planned and plotted, a permanent residence, putting aside their lives as heroes of the revolution, picking a name. They agonized over these choices for so long, and just after the plans had been finalized, moving to New Beijing, joining palace security and programming squads, Lea for a girl, Ryan for a boy...

Everything fell apart.

He remembered Cress crying in the doctor's office. Everything was blurry, his own tears threatening to fall. The doctor looked calm, but sympathetic. It did not matter to her that Carswell's heart had just broke.

For reasons that Thorne had not been listening to, the words blurring after hearing 'infertility', he and Cress would not be having a baby. Now. In ten years. Ever.

Thorne released Cress, holding her just far away enough so that he could look into her eyes. They were brimming with tears, and it broke Thorne's heart to see her so sad.

"Hey," he said in a soft voice, "We're going to be okay. I talked to Kai and Wolf. Any of our friends would be happy to help us. We can stay anywhere for as long as we want while we figure out what to do."

After finding out about their inability to have a child, Cress and Thorne had to rethink their entire life. They had expected a future with little Thorne's and Cress's running around, exploring the world together.

Now, traveling had lost it's appeal, as the only thing they wanted to see was a child who bore their name and blood.

They didn't consider adoption as an option. They had both wanted to have a child that they could see little flecks of themselves in, and not being able to have that was maddening.

"Do you want to be alone?" Cress often asked to be with herself and her thoughts, and though it tore Thorne apart, he let her grieve over their unborn child by herself. He always wanted to have her near, but understood that she didn't feel the same way. He respected her process.

He thought he understood it. Her being on the satellite for so long, learning to deal with her issues by herself, Cress said that it made her feel overwhelmed to have another person around when she was struggling.

"No." Her voice was soft and small, thick with her tears. Thorne opened the door to the captain's quarters, which they had stopped in front of, and led Cress through the door, shutting it behind them.

He led them to the bed, where he sat on the edge. Cress curled up next to him, her head resting on his lap. He stroked her short hair as she cried, a delicate, beautiful, broken thing. He loved her broken self with his broken heart, feeling like holding her in his arms would be the closest he would ever come to feeling whole again.