Through The Dark COMPLETED

Chapter 70

Amanda and Niall sat in silence for a long time. Niall had texted Harry and told him he wouldn't be back to the writing session and then just sat there. Neither knew what to say. Neither knew how to start. It was never a discussion they had thought they'd have to have. They'd never discussed having children, or when they would like them in life. To Niall, it seemed like if it happened, then it did. There was no choice. He would accept it, and if she was pregnant now, they would deal with it, together. He was caught off guard when she mentioned options. No matter how shocked he was, that thought had never come to his mind. He'd never felt so far apart from her before.

Amanda looked at Niall a couple times, but she wasn't sure what to say or do. She wasn't ready for a baby. At all. She didn't know what she would have done. If she had been pregnant, she didn't know if she could have handled it. She was shocked at Niall's acceptance of it. She wasn't ready. And he was ready to jump right in. It scared the hell out of her to think about becoming a mother. Especially now. Especially when Niall was touring around the world. All the time. Always somewhere or another. She couldn't see herself raising a baby right now, and then pretty much alone. She knew they would be financially stable, but that wasn't it. It was everything else. She knew she would have JJ, but that would have been a lot to ask of JJ. To help her raise a baby while her boyfriend was touring.

Niall got up and went to the kitchen for a bottle of water. He brought one back to Amanda and handed it to her. He sat back down; and after a few more minutes, he looked at her. "Guess we need to talk."

"Yeah." Amanda said. She didn't look up. She was still shocked at all of this.

"Amanda." Niall sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. He couldn't help but think about her not wanting to keep a baby they'd made together.

"I don't know what to say to you, Niall. I'm sorry. Really, I am. But I'm relieved. I'm relieved I'm not pregnant. I don't want to have a baby right now. I'm not ready. I'm sorry I messed up and that I didn't remember to start taking the birth control. I was just, I don't know." She said looking at her hands.

"It's not that. Ok, well at first, I was shocked you didn't take it. But it happens. What hurts me is that you would think of anything other than having a baby if it did happen. That you would think there are any other options at this point. I get it's not a great time. I wouldn't have planned it either. But I love you. And if a baby came from our love, then I would accept it as a part of you and me." He said to her.

"Well, I'm glad you're so noble, Niall. I'm glad that you will be a knight in shining armor all the time and accept whatever happens. I'm sorry that I'm too selfish to just jump right there. I'm 22. I'm not ready to have a baby. Especially when you're going to be nowhere to be found for months at a time. That's no way to raise a baby, especially when I'm not ready." Amanda said.

"I get that." Niall said.

"I don't think you do." She stood up. "You wouldn't have to be pregnant for nine months and not have me here with you through most of it. You wouldn't have to give birth and keep a baby while I was off touring the world. You wouldn't have your whole life changed as soon as that line on that test came up."

"You're right. Sort of. My life would change a lot, Amanda. I wouldn't ever leave you without help. I would never leave you to struggle. I can't believe you would think that." Niall said sitting back on the couch.

"That's not what I said. I know I would have everything financially I needed. I know we would never want for anything. Anything but you there with us." Amanda said crossing her arms. "Don't you see that?"

"Yes, ok, I get that. It wouldn't be great. It wouldn't be awesome. It wouldn't be the way we would want it. But for you to think about anything other than having the baby." Niall said. He couldn't get over that.