Through The Dark COMPLETED

Chapter 47

The next morning, Harry woke up and reached for Julie. He didn't feel her. He sat up and rubbed his face. He smelled coffee and looked over at the patio door. She was standing there again, leaning against the frame, coffee cup in her hand. Once again, he found himself just watching her. She seemed a little stiff. More so then he had seen her on this trip. Maybe not quite as much as before, but it was noticeable. He took a deep breath. Today was the last full day they had together. They all flew back home tomorrow morning. He and Niall to London; Julie and Amanda to LA. They would be busy pretty much until the tour started, and the start of the tour couldn't get further away from LA. They were literally a day ahead most of the time. He loved touring, he loved performing, but this time he was dreading leaving. It was hard on any relationship, but he didn't want to be so far away when she was working through her biggest issues. It was a feeling he wasn't used to. He quietly crawled out of bed, slipped a robe on and walked behind her. She never even moved. She must have been deep in thought. He slipped his arms gently around her waist. She jumped a little, but then he heard her sniffle and try to wipe her eyes indiscreetly. "Are you crying, baby?" He tried to turn her to him, but she resisted.

"I'm ok." She said trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. She shook her head. She knew she was hiding from him again, but she was having a hard time dealing with all of the feeling. "I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm not sure how to sort through everything going on in my head, in my heart."

"I can't say I understand how you feel, but I understand you're struggling. I just want to help." He leaned his chin on her shoulder. "Just let me help. Tell me how you feel." He whispered to her.

"I can't. I mean," she pulled away from him a minute and put the mug down. "I just, it's all so much." She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt him relax a little when she did. This was hard for her, but she was trying. "Letting myself feel is hard. I spent so long not feeling, pushing my feelings aside, going with the logical choice, for so long that I keep feeling I'm going to get overwhelmed if I just let the feelings take over. It scares me. The hardest thing I ever did was call you when I got back, tell you how I was feeling, take your anger. I wanted to hide. And when I did that, my heart hurt. It hurt worse than Paris. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I hated feeling like that. If I hid, then I wouldn't have had to feel that. But then, I wouldn't have you."

"Baby, I don't want you to hurt; unfortunately, it's a part of working through all of this. We talked about how this isn't all going to seem rational." He rubbed gently over her back and kissed her head. "It doesn't have to be rational. It doesn't have to be what everyone expects. You can have whatever feelings you have. I will be here for you, Julie. I promise. You can be honest with me. I want you to be honest with me. Don't think you need to say what I want to hear, say what you feel."

"I can't say it." Julie said starting to cry. "I can't be that unreasonable."

"Julie." Harry said closing his eyes. God, he hated when she cried. He felt it in his heart every time she did. "Baby, what's got you so upset?"

"I don't want you to go." She said to him. She was being a baby. She was being unreasonable. She was being clingy. She hated every part of it. "Like, I seriously want to act like a baby and beg you not to."

He kind of chuckled. "Wow, baby. We have all of today yet. And we will figure out a time to see each other before the tour starts. We've got each other no matter where we are."

"I know." She said pulling away and walking away from him. "But you don't understand. I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go on tour for months across the globe. I don't want to plan on when I get to see you next. I just want to know."