Song of the stars [Slow updates]

Chapter 8: Spring asthenia

A/N: Not yet edited

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Chapter 8: Spring asthenia

One more week till school is over and three more finals to pass. The more I'm getting closer to the end, the more I feel like I'm losing the confidence in myself. I try not to surrender, but I do need my break from time to time.

"You want some tee, honey?" Mom popped her head through the crack of the door.

"No, thanks." I answer without turning.

I turn another page of the geography book letting out a huff. I've never been good at memorizing the names of all mountains, rivers and all. Actually, I think I wanted that tee after all. Getting up, I went to the kitchen to grab my hot cup of chamomile tea.

Three days ago Kevin told me to fight with my fears, to start from the premise that I will succeed, not the other way around. His encouragements have done me a great good… but where these sincere? Because just yesterday we fought again: he sustains his cocky attitude of being the best man on earth, that nobody can be as good as him, that I am a naïve, a fool, a desperate child, if I think I can be better than him. And to put salt on the wound, then he went on denying again what happened between us at the mountain resort. This time, however, it didn't hurt that much.

A frown is plastered on my face. It's clearly that I won't be able to sleep if I my mind is flooding with thoughts. Walking back to my room, I turned on the light and sat myself back at the desk.

Now I think, more than ever, that Kevin just used intimidating words to prove himself better and what he says isn't true. I rather believe it was true when he encouraged me. A man with two faces? Or a man constantly on the verge of fighting: giving that we even used to contradict each other over a stupid thing like me being sad because I have a sad smile or me being sad because I can't even smile…

So, this horrible sensation provokes a bitter sadness and a pitch in the stomach. My head falls like a rock on my left shoulder while with my right hand I try to finish that math problem again. Once done, I pick up this notebook and I lift my eyes and look over the window: all lights are out; it's just me awake to write.

I try to ignore my bad mood, because, in the end, I want to succeed. My mind is spinning with sad songs and I can't think of anything to chase them away. The radio isn't working because of the storm. My eyes are heavy but I go on reading from the geography book again, math problems all done.

In my tired dazzle, I turned my head towards the bookshelf and my eyes found a book placed awkwardly above the others.

I read the text on the back of it. "To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." - George Santayana

 

If it is for me to take a break from geography, then I should get back writing that liberating story…

***

The end of April was getting closer now and with it, my mood changed again. I was sitting in the school yard, bathing in the sun with my eyes closed and a wide smile on my face. The wind was blowing softly, giving me the feeling of floating. An inexplicable happiness and a joy of life I had long missed. Given that, learning wasn't appealing at all body. I was rather anxious in doing something new and creative. Sighing, I headed back to the classroom for the last period.

Kevin was busy with his examination session in college so when I got home I didn't found him online. I wandered then in new places of the wide world web and came across this guy Alex. I wasn't really looking to make new acquaintances, but the happy-go-lucky side of me that day, somehow determined Alex to talk to me.