book of f-ckery

more crack

me: i cant speak in front of the class ill have an anxiety attack

teacher: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-----
now, as promised, the original crack chapter from the book of bullsh-t (with a few add-ons and edits)
-----

2014 me: im gonna be a really pretty and successful girl in high school!

2016 me: *crawls out from the depths of hell* you can kiss being successful and being a girl goodbye

2017 me: *sitting surrounded by people screaming in agony* you can pretty much kiss your future goodbye

-----

2015 me: aye i play trombone and am now oddly attracted to some fuckin tall ass blonde douche bag whos never gonna like me back fml

2016 me: *peeks out from behind a wall* shhHHHhhHhh you two are dating now s'all good m8

2017 me: *comes out of the sewers* and now youre attracted to a curly haired dork whos nickname is satan and trust me hes way better than the blonde kid

2017 me, starting my freshman year in highschool: and now youve been dating the dork for almost three months everything is great

-----

me: lmao imma kms life is shit yo

my brain: *whispers* illegal memes

me:

-----

my brain: hoe its time to have an anxiety attack

me: why tho???? theres no reason??

my brain: i kno but u gotta

me: shit u right

-----

me: *scoffs* i fucking hate cameron

cameron: *breathes*

me: tHAt iS sOME gOoD sHiT 👌🏻 👌🏻 💯 riGHt ThERe 👏🏻 💯 siGN mE 👌🏻 tHe FUcK uP 👏🏻 💯 👌🏻

-----

me: i cant get into another video game series

bioshock: hi

me: *looks away* must resist

bioshock 2: hows it goin

me: *backing away* i.... i cant....

bioshock infinite: *grasps my shoulders* yOU aNd i aRe gOnNA haVE A LOveLy tiME tOgEThEr

me: soMEoNe hELp mE

-----

depression: hi! its been a while

anxiety: it has!

depression: wed like you to meet our cousin!

paranoia: *waves* hello!

me:

paranoia: the four of us are gonna have a great time together *smiles*

me: fuck

-----

me: *draws my friend* *shows other friend* i guess it kinda looks like him idk man

other friend: its good but it doesnt look like him at all

me:

*one hour later*

me: *shows lilly* it kinda looks like him but i do—