Our Love That Never Was

2. My first "I Love You"

We were in high school, You were a sophomore and I was a freshmen. It was raining and it was January, and you were wearing your P.E uniform when your class moved to a vacant room next to our room.

From the first time I saw you, I really liked your face thats why I kept looking. I love the way you walk across the room, the way you act so cool with that straight poker face of yours, the way you only look in front of you so that you won't make eye contact from anyone in our room.

I like the way you're silly around your friends and the way you make a wide smile then suddenly turns back to a straight face when you notice that we are watching. I liked the way you brush your black hair up using your fingers, it was your cute mannerism that you always brush it up when your laughing.

And when you walk in our room coming back from the canteen, I would call you out just because I love speaking out your name, I would say "Hi ate Arcy!" and you would look at me with those confused eyes and you would say "Hi" followed by a half smile. With those little things, my heart was flattered, I would blush just with the idea of you smiling and I had noticed that maybe Im falling for you.

Then suddenly, you gave a letter to my friend saying that you liked her, I was suprised and I was so jealous, I thought I'm was going to berserk but then my friend immediately rejected you. My friend was being considerate about my feelings cause she knows how I like you from the first moment I laid my eyes on you, also because she doesn't sway on this side.

But then, a few days later, you gave me a letter saying that you liked me! At first, I thought that maybe I was being prank or maybe the letter wasn't addressed to me so just to make sure, I read it twice.

then I looked at you ... Our eyes met and you smiled the most adorable smile.

I thought I was going crazy, because it was too good to be true but it wasn't a dream. At the time it was my reality and I was super happy. My friends warned me to be careful because you seemed to be a player but I know that you're not and even if you are, I won't care.

I didn't care how or when or why you like me, all that matters was us having mutual feelings. You told me that you love me and I told you that I love you. From then, It didn't took long for us to start going out. And that was the best february, the most amazing and happiest days of my youth.

There were once a time, when your classroom's door was open. You were sitting there in front of the door and I was in the other side. We were sitting in front and facing each other and you were smiling at me and I smiled back at you. I couldn't concentrate with the class discussion because we kept on stealing sights from each other. My heart was so flustered everytime you smile, my cheeks was hurt all the time because I can't stop smiling.. My heart was throbbing everytime I caught you staring at me.

Whenever you're with me, I am happy. Whatever you do, you made my heart rate raised.

At the time, I was awkward and shy, I ignored you many times just because I don't know what to say. I was young and it was my first time falling in love, to be exact, you are my first love.

You were perfect, you always know what to say and what to do. You were sweet and caring, and you would touch me as if I'm this fragile person, you were always gentle. Then there was this time, that my friend Athena asked me to go home with her, we didn't made plans that day so I told Athena "sure, lets go".
I walked out with Athena, and when we were waiting for the jeep to come, suddeny, out of nowhere, You showed up, grasping your breath and sweathing, you ran after me and then, you approached me. You touched my shoulder and said

"I was looking for you"

I was both amazed and confused then I said "we didn't planned to go home together though" .. "Athena has something to tell me so..."

"no it's okay, I can go ahead, we'll talk about it tomorrow" Athena interrupted, then she went home by herself.

Near the jeep terminal was the basketball covered court so went there. You held my hand and we sat down on those rusty but clean benches in the covered court. The kids who were running around were noisy but our silence was deafening then you said "Janina, we should go home together everyday"

I smiled and said "okay". We just sat there, we just kept on looking on those people passing by, the silence was not deafening anymore, it was peaceful. I felt so happy I could fly. I fell inlove with you again that day. I fall inlove with you deeper everyday. Everyday was bliss.

Our relationship was just like any other teenage couple except of course that we are both girls. Days would get by, our typical day was, I would come to school earlier than you, you would give me food every morning, it was either ham sandwich or hotdog sandwich that you usually bought from the nearest convinient store. We will exchange letters during class because love letters are free unlike phones. Then at breaks, we would go to the canteen together to buy some stuffs but only to eat it in our own classrooms.

At lunch, I have my own packed food but you, you usually buy meals from the canteen, we don't eat lunch together, I don't why, maybe because you don't want to leave your friends behind just because you are in a relationship but still im not really sure, I was always scared to ask, so I let it be.

Then after school, we would wait for each other, because we have to clean our classroom depending if it was our day of duty. then we would walk really slow just to spend a little more time with each other, then you would see me off at the jeep stop and when I have already ridden the jeep, you would walk from there to your house.

Some people might say that my relationship with you was simple but for me, it was everything. My view changed, it was like nothing mattered to me before until i fell in love with you.