Our Love That Never Was

12 Always

Once, Camille said to me "Only time can heal a broken heart".
These words marked my heart and as the time passed, this broken heart was healed. Its been three years since our last interaction with each other and it wasn't easy.

In the first year, I would crave for everything of you. I would shout in the mountains and would whisper in my pillow how much I miss you. I cried until I got numb, All i had was regret and the worse of it was i cant do anything cause i didnt have the guts to fight my love for you.

My friends was so worried about me, so they kept busy by forcing and pulling me, we studied, worked and partied until we drop and they did these things to keep me occupied, to keep my mind off of you

And it worked at a time then when all the distractions were gone, all I could think was you. But as time passed, I came to get used to with the pain.

In the second year, I would still turn my head when ever I see someone who resembles you but I don't cry anymore, I don't miss you that much anymore and I could last a week without thinking of you. I also started to get in a few relationships and when I say few it means three, but all of them didn't worked out. All three of them said the same thing when they broke up with me ... "you don't know how to commit".

Its not that I don't know how to commit, its just ... Maybe I'm just scared of love.

But maybe someday, hopefully, I would find someone I could love more than I ever loved you.

In the third year, my graduation ceremony came and I'm proud to finish my diploma in Medical Technology.

Then, I saw You.

The ceremony ended accompanied with my unpleasant pain that day, in the midst of the crowd, in the middle of a horde of people
I saw you

I became ambivalent in your presense. My heart ached and I cried, I wanted to call you but I couldn't, and all I did was to stare from a far. You were smiling and you're happy and that's all that matter. So didnt want to interfere.

Since It's been three years from the last time I saw you. I was suprise to see you, so near and in person.

I haven't seen or heard from you except from your facebook posts. I'm kind of thankful that at least you didn't unfriend me but I'm also somewhat bitter cause all I could see were posts about you and her. And from the looks of it, things were going good between you two, and I'm happy for you

Cause all I ever wanted for you is to be happy.

And because that it's been three years, I can finally say that I have moved on. To finally say I'm happy for you and to wish you all the best, even it's not me by your side.
And I can finally say that I have accepted everything, and that I am happy.

Though, You would still come to my thoughts and I would still stalk you sometimes in facebook, I would sometimes reminisce my memories of you but now I can finally smile while thinking of you.

The moments when we were together was my precious memories though from now, It was as if it never happend. It felt like everything was a dream. We were so close then suddenly we're strangers and all we could do now is to get on on our lives.

As I stood there ten feet away from you, I realized that I kept staring at you, just like I always do so I stopped. I looked away and turned my back before you even notice I was there and walked away.

My tears kept falling down as I walked away. My thoughts were filled of wanting to convey my love to you. To at least try again, to at least make you understand ...

That it is true that first love never dies because you are my first love

That you are the love I always dreamed about

That you are the love that got away

That no matter what happens, you are the love story that I never had

That I will always love you

But I suppressed it all, not because I am weak to fight for my love but because I'm brave enough to let you go, because from what I have learned from all these years of loving you is some things are just not meant to be.

I don't regret confessing my feeling to you anymore, I have realized that at least I told you that I Love You because If I hadn't, I would have regret it. I just wish that you could have at least accepted it or appreciated it but all you did was to escape and run from it. My only regret was not letting you understand, that I should have told you more.

I stopped walking and stood at the middle of the bridge with my bare sore feet then the wind blew so hard that the skirt of my dress flew up but I didn't cared. The wind was cold so is my cheeks as if it was caressing me. I put my things down and spread my arms wide open, the wind kept blowing as if the it was embracing me. I closed my eyes then I shed a tear. I felt a relief,

Relief by letting you go.

All I could do was to whisper my feelings into this thin air, hoping this wind will carry my heart's desire and be delivered to you, hoping it will reach you, hoping you will remember me.

I will never know why we ended, but at least it was fun and I don't regret loving you so

Thanks for the memories Arcy.

..........................~~End~~..........................