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by jayymckenziee

by jayymckenziee

- D I A R Y E N T R Y # 4 -

11.12.16 // 2:54 a.m.

I am sitting here by myself in the comfortable space of my room. It's the only place that holds all my secrets, the only place where I don't have to be a liar. My hands are shaking as I write, my leg is bouncing up and down as another bead of sweat rolls down my face.

It's my insomnia. It's the only companion that won't quit on me, no matter how much I wish it would. Insomnia haunts my nights. Every. Single. Night. Come the hours of darkness that tick away slowly, my mind lights up with pictures from my past, it lights up with things that could only be described as danger and destruction.

I am dangerous.

After all, I am the one who has to live with innocent blood on my hands. I am the one who has to live in fear for the rest of my life. I didn't want to kill that girl, she didn't deserve it. How could I be so cruel?

I couldn't let T hurt my family and I couldn't let him hurt the only person I am in love with.

Selfish, I know.

He would have killed them all without a flicker of hesitation in his twisted mind. And all of this for Blaire.

Stupid Blaire.

The rock I used to kill that girl is sitting on top of my dresser, taunting me with it's jagged edges and dusty brown color. My mom had picked it up in her delicate hands a few days ago and examined it like it was a piece of art. I wanted to throw up. She doesn't know what I did, she doesn't know how screwed up I am.

She doesn't know how much of a failure I am.

Who have I become?

Sincerely,

No One Important

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I just realized I am more than half way down with this book:( Please don't forget to vote and comment!!
Much love !!
-jayymckenziee :)