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Chapter 9

I was sitting on the bed next to Akio with my arms wrapped around the sleeve of his hoodie. He had to stay in the hospital on the psych floor for a while, but was finally sent home. A wave of anxiety and guilt washed over me suddenly and I pulled away from Akio, standing up and turning away from him. "Hey, Mika? What's wrong?" I heard him ask from behind me. I took a deep breath, trying to get a grip. "Did I add to it?" I asked, biting on the nail of my thumb slightly. "What? What do you mean?" He said, sounding confused. "What you did. . . Did I add to it? Is this partially my fault? Entirely my fault? You did so much for me and I couldn't even do anything to help you one bit. I didn't even try." I closed my eyes shut tight, trying to hide my tears. I felt Akio reach out to grab my hand, his fingers touching mine slightly before I yanked away from him. "Stop. Don't. Don't do that. Don't try to comfort me, don't try to help me. Just don't. I don't deserve it." Tears fell from my eyes, despite me trying to contain them. "Mika, stop it." I felt Akio's firm grip on my arm as he turned me back towards him. "Mika, you're amazing in every way I can think of. There's no way this was your fault." He stood up and wrapped his arms around me. "Don't ever doubt yourself." He said. I buried my face in his hoodie. "It's hard though. I don't know any other reason why you would and I just- I can't help but blame myself. I should've been nicer, or not teased you, or-" 

"Your teasing is adorable. I actually enjoy it." He said suddenly. "What? No. . . I'm just useless." I said quietly. "I hate that." I heard Akio say. "I hate that you say things like that about yourself. It just pisses me off that you think that." I looked up at him. "So just stop saying things like that and thinking so negatively about yourself." He said. "Alright, whatever, just as long as you do the same, because I don't know why you think you're such a bad person, and, who knows, maybe you did something before, but, you're a good person now."