Destroyer and Art.

Keara

1 Juni 2017

Dear Ale,

It's already half of 2017.

And it's been seven months I've spent with you.

And still, losing you will always be my biggest fear. Since the very first day.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say, but I feel really, really, really thankful for everything we've been through.

Halo, Ale. Surat bulan ini ngaret ya? Sekarang aku lagi nulis ini waktu kamu lagi sibuk belajar sejarah. Honestly for this one I don't really have much to say, Aku cuma seneng aja-gak, seneng banget karena we've come this far.

Bohong kalo aku bilang aku ga pernah mikirin tentang nanti hari dimana kita akhirnya... on our own way. Sendiri. Atau mungkin nanti nggak sendiri, tapi sama orang lain. Would I be okay seeing you like that? Would you be okay too?

Even no matter how much I want to be with only you there's must be a way that make us standing on different paths.

"La kenapa udah mikirin yang gitu aja sih. Padahal kita lagi baik baik aja."

I think a lot about the future. I keep imagining sad things. That kind of day must be happened. The purpose is, biar misalnya itu kejadian, aku siap. The question is, apa aku siap?

I never do. But one thing you should know, I never traced anything about my pasts everytime I be with you, neither does the future sometimes.

Le, ini udah tanggal 2. Aku baru sempet ngelanjutin lagi tengah malem which is udah mau ke tanggal 3. Terus aku lupa paragraf diatas mau dilanjut apa, yaudah deh hehehe gapapa ya.

You seem so exhausted today. Seharian pergi abis itu kayanya langsung tidur ya, nggak ada kontak apa apa lagi ke aku. If so, I'm sorry for being sulky that afternoon. Tapi lagian emang kamu nyebelin sih, cuma aku ngerasa salah juga kalo aku ngambek ngambek gajelas gitu. Rest well then, sayang.

Le, have I ever told you about how much do I love your writings? Not your 'writings' you write by hands yang kamu bilang kaya ceker ayam, but the words you wrote. Aku suka banget bacainnya. Especially that one about rain you wrote for me at steller. I don't know how many times I have read that. And recently, I constantly opened your steller books when the times you insist. Guess which book I read the most—selain yang tentang hujan?

Open When ; You're mad, You're having a bad day, You miss your family, You don't feel appreciated and worthless.

Yas. And that's what I feel everyday. Kamu mungkin sekarang kepikiran sesuatu yang pernah aku diskusiin ke kamu about some devastated person and how to cheer them up.

And you did. Again, without you even know. Everytime I feel that thing, I opened your books and starts to smile again. I realize that I had so many reasons to keep alive.

Can you do me a favor, Le? Can you write more, for me? Aku ga maksa sih, but I surely will love it if you really do that.

Ohiya, I realized that now you're going to be on senior year, which is busier days for you and probably me too. All I hope is, sesibuk apapun itu semoga kita tetep ada, aku bener bener ga masalah buat nanti even we're just talked for five minutes a day or less. Ada masanya bosen, gapapa kalo kamu suatu hari bosen sama aku, asal kamu bisa ngatasin itu dan nggak mikir pendek buat mutusin sesuatu. Same goes on me too. We both have to note this!

Surat yang ini kepanjangan gak? I just let my fingers type all they wanted to say for you. Ehehehe

Aku abis baca ulang, iya surat yang ini bener bener random isinya ya, mungkin karena aku nulisnya putus putus kali ya, aku kan lupaan orangnya mau lanjutinnya bingung.

Fine, I think I should end this here.

7 months and counting, Yusuf Gale Arsani. Never get enough to tell you that I love you so. I do. And always do.

I feel so thankful.

Yours truly,

Keara Paveitria