Shattered

Chapter 5

As usual, I couldn’t sleep. It was 5am and I found myself lying on the roof of my house watching the moon play its continuous game of hide-and-seek with the clouds. Max and I used to come out here on warm summer nights after surfing and watch the stars. Since we lived by the beach, the city lights made it impossible to see nothing but darkness in the night sky. When we were younger, our parents took us camping every other summer and Dad would point out the great constellations at night. I miss those days…

I did a lot of my thinking on the roof, especially in the early mornings. It used to just be about college and life on my own, but after my dad left things became more complicated… and now that Max was gone and my mom and I grew more distant, nothing made sense. My mind became overrun by negative thoughts and panic. I threw away my life, my friends, and my dreams. Max was the only person who kept me sane… but now, I was beginning to shut down.

I managed to fall asleep for a short while before I was awoken by the cold morning breeze. My eyes felt heavy from crying. I pulled my phone out to check the time, 7:20 am. Mom had already left for work and I was alone. I decided that I wasn’t going to spend today sulking in my room again, so I quickly climbed through the upstairs window and ran to my room to change. I ended up throwing on another one of Max’s flannels, a pair of jeans, and my white converse. I left a note on the kitchen table, telling my mom I went out just in case she got home before me. Then headed out the door grabbing my penny board and ran to the bus.

-

I always had a thing about cemeteries. They seemed to fascinate and scare the living hell out of me at the same time. Walking through the maze of headstones made me feel uneasy as I made my way over to Max. I hadn’t been here since his memorial service last week, but I knew his exact placement. An old woman sat on a park bench a few feet from his grave and smiled at me as I knelt down. There were fresh flowers placed in a vase next to his headstone, so I assumed someone had been here earlier in the week.

I leaned against the headstone with my knees pulled to my chest and I began to cry. A variety of emotion began to build up inside me and I left as though I was on the verge of explosion.  I felt the heat in my face as tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks and I grasped the vase in my hands. Flashbacks of the argument with my brother streamed throughout my head along with the last words I ever said to my brother. “WHY CANT YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT HE’S NOT WORTH YOUR PITTY….”

“It’s not fair!” I shouted standing up abruptly and smashed the vase into his headstone. “It’s not fucking fair. It’s all his fault, if he hadn’t of left us than you’d still be here. He should be dead… this is bullshit.”

I collapsed to the group and began crying even harder. I felt a light hand on my shoulder and looked up to see the old woman hovering over me. She didn’t say anything as she pulled out a packet of tissues out of her purse. I weakly smiled up at her and took the tissues from her grasp. She returned the smile before she turned and walked away.

I sat at Max’s grave for about 3 hours until I decided to get something to eat. Since the cemetery was a ways from my house, I took the city bus back to PB.

-

I walked out of Panda express with a full stomach, holding my bag of leftovers in my bag and I skated towards the beach. By this time, it was around noon and the beach, as usual, was crowded with tourists and locals. I hadn’t been to that water since Max had died and aside from the fact that I really didn’t have anyone else to go with, it didn’t feel right to go back without him.

I took off my shoes, holding them in my hand, along with my leftover food and my penny board, and headed to the sand. The wheels of my penny board dug their way into the sand as I sat down. A family was sat next to me, the parents watching as a little girl attempted to make a sand castle. I watched the frustration build on the girls face as the sand continuously fell out of shape. Impulsively, I got up from my board and walked over to where the girl was building.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I asked kneeling down beside her pile of sand. She looked over at her parents who gave her a quick nod and looked back at me.

“It works better when you add water.” I said holding out my hand for the bucket. She hesitated before handing me the bucket and watched as I walked down to the water. When I returned, I poured the water over her sand and we both watched as it sunk in.

“Now try.” I smiled handing her the bucket. She placed the sand into her bucket, patting it down, and slowly dumped it over. A look of joy flashed across her face as she sand held its shape.

“Thank you!” She smiled up at me.

“No worries,” I laughed. “All you need is a little water.”

Her parents gave me a smile and I walked back over to my board. I pulled my phone out of my front pocket and sat back down. I was going through all the missed “sympathy” texts from my friends when an unexpected lengthy figure sat beside me.

“Long time no see Scout Evans!”

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ayyyyy look who wrote a long chapter for once!! well err its currently 2:30 in the morning but ya know.... this took me forever to write so it would mean a lot of you voted and commented what you think about it so far! Also BIG SHOUT OUT to my life saver DirectionerMalik00 for motivation and giving my starting ideas for this chapter! :} follow me on twitter is you're not already @_Ariana5SOS and if you give my story a shout out, i will find you, return the shout out and love you forever!!! Keep Smiling :}