Open Eyes (Phan)

Five

Dan

I skipped the rest of the day.

It took me ten minutes to haul myself off the ground and get the blood and tears washed from my face.

And after that I left school and went to the only place I knew I'd be able to find sanctuary.

My little corner was empty when I got there, so I carefully sat down, wincing at the pain in my stomach. I briefly wondered if Phil was here. Did he see me come in? Would he come and say hi?

I pushed the thoughts from my head.

He doesn't want to see you.

Yeah, he probably didn't.

Normally I wouldn't care, or dismiss it easily. But for some reason the thought of Phil being repulsed by me darkened my mood. If that was even possible.

I looked around at the bookshelves surrounding me. I usually didn't read. It wasn't that I didn't like to, I just was never able to find enough motivation to pick one up and actually get through the whole thing.

And I didn't plan on reading. That was until my eyes found one vaguely familiar. And it took me a moment of squinting at the spine to figure out why.

It was the book Phil had been reading when I'd walked in on him in my corner. I pulled the book out of its place. Unexpected was the book's title.

He'd been reading a romance novel?

I had to admit, I was a sucker for romance books. And I was a bit surprised to see the he might have been, too. I'd read this book about a year ago, and loved it. It was one of those books I could read over and over again, and it still got the same emotion out of me every time.

My younger brother used to say that reading was healthy for everyone. Except me.

I always got so attached to the characters, so engrossed in the plot line that I got overly emotional about everything. I remember at the end of one book I read, my favorite characters committed suicide. I ended up chucking the book out the window in my angry, tear filled rampage.

I opened the book and flipped through the pages until I found my favorite part, where the guy walks in on the girl crying in a corner. She suffered from depression, like me. In the chapter, the guy is able to comfort her, and bring her out of the cramped corner. He keeps hugging her until her body stops trembling. And in doing so, realizes that he might love his suffering roommate.

I got so into the chapter I didn't notice when someone slid into my corner.

"Hey, Dan," a cheerful voice chirped. I jumped, the book falling into my lap. I looked up sharply. Phil was standing in front of me, smiling widely. "How are you?"

He was asking me? I quickly fastened my gaze on the ground.

"Sorry for scaring you," he went on, unfazed by my lack of response. "I saw you come in but I had to finish stacking those stupid books."

My shaking fingers fumbled with my sleeve. I didn't respond, or look at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked. When I finally did look up at him, his eyes held concern.

He doesn't actually care.
Lie to him. Tell him you're fine.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, my voice no louder than a whisper.

"Are you sure? Your hands are shaking and you won't look at me." His eyes glanced pointedly at my hands. He actually noticed?

He doesn't care! You fucking idiot!

"Yeah I'm sure." I replied. He still seemed completely unconvinced. But he didn't push it any further. After a moment of silence he spoke again.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" He smirked. I hesitated, but nodded. "So why aren't you?"

"I, um... b-because I don't like it there," I stuttered. It wasn't a lie.

You stuttering faggot. He's gonna find out about you!

"I didn't like school either. I know it's boring, but your almost done with it. How old are you?" Little did he know, classes were not the part I hated about school.

"Eighteen."

"Yeah, you're almost done." He said, nodding. As if he was agreeing with his own statement. Another moment of silence passed. An awkward silence, I might add. One that involved more shaking hands on my part. And curious stares on his.

"We should hang out sometime," Phil finally said.

"You said that yesterday," I reminded him. Didn't he remember that?

"I know," he told me, smiling widely. "I was just seeing if you remembered."

Of course I remembered. I hadn't been able to get it out of my head since he'd said it.

"We should hang out," I agreed, though I didn't return his smile. Spending time with Phil seemed like a good idea. Despite what the voices in my head were trying to tell me.

Phil's smile brightened even more at my words. He had such a beautiful smile. One that made his eyes sparkle.

"Let me see your phone," he stated. It wasn't a question. I didn't protest, or ask why as I pulled my phone from out of my back pocket and handed it to him.

Though I didn't utter a word, I did wonder what he was doing. But I could only stand and wait as he did what ever he was doing.

I fidgeted with my sleeve some more, twisting it in my fingers. I made sure to keep it pulled up past my wrist though. Because just a centimeter further up my arm was a black bruise that I definitely didn't want Phil to see.

I finally got my phone back. There was a new contact added to the top of the very short list.

"Now you have my number. You can text me whenever you'd like." He informed me. I nodded, staring at his name now in my phone.

"Would you like mine?" I asked without thinking.

Why would you say that? Do you want him finding out about you?

"Yes! Of course!" Phil exclaimed before I could take back my offer. I had no choice but to take his own phone from his extended hand and add my number in.

I just hope I didn't end up regretting it.