Open Eyes (Phan)

Twenty Nine

Dan

"Adrian."

There is hot coffee all over my shoes and the barista is glaring at me. But none of it matters.

"Dan."

He is so much older now. I know how old he is. Fifteen. He was six the last time I saw him.

I take a step closer to him.

And then we are in each other's arms and we are both sobbing. I can't hug him tight enough.

Because he's here. Adrian is here and in my arms and here.

I pull back after a minute. His eyes are leaking.

"I can't believe it's you," he says. I laugh a little.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again." I admit. And that's the truth.

But if he's here then...

"Where's mum?" I ask. His expression drops a little.

"Back at the flat. It's not far from here. I was supposed to get us both coffee and then go back."

"I shouldn't keep you then."

"I'll tell her I got distracted," he says.

After we help the barista clean up the spilled coffee, Adrian and I head to the table in the corner.

"So, how've you been?" I ask.

"Not great." He says. "Days are hard to get through."

It's sad because I know exactly what he means. And I feel my heart sink.

"I know how you feel." I tell him. He nods sadly.

"How about you?"

I sigh. "I tried to kill myself a month ago."

Even though I haven't seen him in nine years, I trust him with everything. It's not hard to tell him.

"Oh, Dan. I'm sorry. I've come close a few times."

I tell him everything. About Mike. About his father. About the bridge and about Phil. Even about today.

And he tells me everything. About how our mum is rarely home. Either working herself or drinking herself to an early grave. She doesn't hit him, or even verbally abuse him. But that doesn't make his life any easier than mine. He tells me about school. Like me he's picked on, and he only has one friend named Louise. She seems like a good person from what Adrian tells me about her.

He cuts too. He shows me his scars. The newest ones are a month old. I show him mine.

"Do you want to come back and see her? She's home right now." Adrian looks at me hopefully.

I nod.

I don't know how to feel as I walk with him down a few streets. I don't even notice the frigid air.

My mind is too empty but it's too full.

We enter a brick building and walk up a set of stairs. I'm holding my breath when he opens the third door on the left.

"Mum, I'm home," he calls.

"In the lounge," a voice calls back. The sound of her voice makes my knees shake.

I follow him down a short hall. Adrian motions for me to wait.

I hear him walk in and set the cup down.

"It took you a while." Her voice is flat.

"Sorry, I got a bit distracted." He tells her.

"By what?"

I take that as my queue and walk in.

Mum stands up the instant she sees me.

"Hi, mum." I say.

Her hair is a little messy, but otherwise just how it used to be. Her eyes look tired but they did back then, too.

"Daniel." She breathes.

Her hands cup my face. Her fingers are like mine. Cold but soft. Her thumb brushes my face as she gazes at me with her chocolate eyes.

And then she's hugging me. And I am crying into her shoulder, staining her dark blue shirt with my hot tears.

"My son," she whispers. I cry harder.

She pulls back to look at me.

"You've grown." I nod my head and smile through the tears. She is crying a little bit, too.

And just like Adrian and I did, mum and I talked for a long time. My brother sat and listened. Occasionally asking a question, but he stayed mostly quiet.

"I'm sorry." She says. "It took me a while, but I finally realized that I had messed up when I left you with him. I'm so sorry for what he did to you. You don't deserve that, Daniel."

I shake my head. "It's okay, mum. Well I mean it's not. But it is."

I glance at the clock on the wall.

I've been gone for five hours.

I don't want to go back, but I know that I need to.

So I say goodbye to my mum. I tell her I'll be back tomorrow. Adrian walks me all the way to the edge of the regular neighborhood.

We hug and say goodbye.

And then I'm walking alone as the sky grows darker and darker.

I'm thinking about how the sky looks like it's covered in white dust when I walk through door of the regular house with the regular front yard.

___________________________
Okay I know I'm updating a lot but I'm really pumped about this book. And I have absolutely no social life. And I don't know when the motivation will leave so I'm trying to get out chapter will I can.

I had another emotional breakdown (yay) and I'm so freaking depressed right now that I'm literally too tired to sleep. Because fuck my life.

And I seriously spent an hour yesterday crying over adorable images of Dan and Phil on google. I fucking can't right now. I hate myself so much. I need help.

Comments are very much appreciated!

Don't die. It's not good for your health.
-TrucePhan