Open Eyes (Phan)

Twenty Two

Phil

One moment Dan was sitting up straight, looking more terrified than a chicken about to get its head cut off.

And the next thing I knew he was on the floor, his body limp and motionless.

"Dan!" I fell to my knees beside him. I shook his shoulders and shouted his name, but nothing.

He was still breathing.

Alive. Dan was still alive.

I didn't know what to do other than to carry him to his room and sit next to him on the bed.

I'd read that a person with severe anxiety can pass out if put under too much stress. It was a coping mechanism that the body developed.

Guilt rattled me. I had done this. I had pushed him to far. I tried to get him to open up more than he was ready too.

Fuck.

I ran my shaking fingers through my hair.

I needed to get out of the flat. I needed air in my dying lungs.

So I left. I felt guilty for leaving Dan alone, but the need for air overpowered my need to be a decent person. I threw on a jacket and left the building.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and trudged down the mostly deserted road. Wind tugged at the strands of my ebony fringe.

I was so lost.

Dan made my chest ache. He made my organs do gymnastics and made my heart go into a frenzy. He stole the air from my lungs and wiped my mind clean. I wanted to do anything I could to make him happy. But I had no idea where to start.

I knew next to nothing about his past. Aside from his mum and brother leaving, and his Dad committing suicide, his life was a mystery.

My feet carried me onward. Each step felt heavier than the last. I ran my pale fingers through my hair again.

I blinked and suddenly I was at the bridge. I didn't remember walking here. I didn't remember my feet taking me to this terrifying place.

It was terrifying to me at least.

With the massive gorge underneath the thick wooden planks. And the roaring river thundering past. It made my heart pound. My knees shake. My heart quake.

Terrifying to me.

But not to Dan.

As I stood there, my white skin drinking in the bitter cold and my hair flapping wildly, breath coming out in thin clouds, I realized that this place wasn't scary to him.

It was an escape. An escape from whatever hell he lived. From his own mind.

I didn't know what went on in the head of his; not exactly. But I knew that it was nothing pleasant. Sometimes I'd hear him whisper shut up shut up shut up. For reasons that weren't immediately apparent to me.

But I'd come to understand that he wasn't telling me to shut up. To leave him alone. But to whatever thoughts that were ripping apart his mind.

I inhaled deeply. My lungs absorbed the misty air.

I wanted to understand him.

I began the trek back home.

And by the time I got back my limbs were trembling from the cold. I took off my jacket and dropped it on the couch.

When I opened the door to Dan's room, I found him sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. His gaze lifted slowly to meet mine.

"Dan." I breathed.

"I'm sorry." He said. His voice was soft. Delicate.

"Why?" I took a step toward him.

"For not being able to tell you things."

I shook my head and knelt down in front of him.

"It's okay." I told him.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head at me.

"Not it's not." Before I could protest, he continued. "You been so nice to me. I want to tell you but, it's hard."

I took his hands in mine. He opened his eyes. The golden flecks danced in the brown pools.

"I know it's hard. I shouldn't push you when you're not ready." I give him a smile to reassure him. To my dismay, it does the opposite.

His shoulders shook as he began to cry.

I got up on the bed next to him and collected him in my arms. I didn't say anything. As he cried, I stroked his back, his hair.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face into my chest.

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Sorry it's short. And sorry for the long wait. But here you go. I'm trying to get chapters written while I have the motivation to write them.

Comments are appreciated. I'd love to know if people actually like this book.

Also, I'm working on another phanfiction. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks guys.

Stay alive. It's worth it. I promise.