Kelsey’s Point of View:
After I had gotten off the phone with Pattie, filling her in on what’s been going on, she told me she’d be here in just a few short minutes. Finding enough time to talk to Justin until she arrives, I sat down in the chair next to his bed. “You scared me,” I whispered, “Thinking that you could’ve—” I shook my head, “Don’t you ever do something like that again.” I warned though it came out more as a whimpered request, “You don’t know what it felt like watching them hover over you with those… thingstrying to resuscitate you back to life.” Looking away from him, I found interest at the beeping line that scanned across themany screens of the machines near Justin’s bedside, indicating his heartbeat.
“They were going to give up on you…” I whispered, “They thought that was it. That you had let go but they don’t know you like I do,” I muttered in anguish. “They don’t know how strong you are.” I sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as I crossed my arms under my breasts, sitting on the edge of Justin’s bed as I stared over at him. “Do you understand what it’s like to be left? How angry it makes you? How sad and empty?” I pursed my lips to the side in deep thought. Pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth, I stared up at the ceiling in dismay. “How long it takes to ever care about anyone or anything ever again?” I whispered shakily.
“God it eats you up inside.” I vigorously spat in augmentation to everything that’s been going on. “It claws at your insides until you feel like you’re about to burst. It’s a feeling so intense that the thought of losing the one you love is a feeling that could end you right then and there.”
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” I bowed my head in dismay, “I don’t want to continue my life without you. I don’t want to think about any other chances of you possibly going into an attack again. I know I promised you I could handle things that come with the lifestyle that you chose and I’m not going back on my word. I just don’t know if I can handle the thought of losing you because then I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”
“You have become such a part of my life that without you being a part of it… it doesn’t feel right. It feels like a part of me is missing.” Reaching over, I ran the tip of my finger against the stubble on his chin, “I love you so much it hurts and I just want us to be okay again. I want the normal we had. I want all of this bad stuff to go away. I want my boyfriend back.” Bringing my hand back, I forced back a strained sob.
“I know this is probably a lot to ask since you almost died about a few minutes ago but now would be the time to wake up…” Licking my lips, I smacked them together once silence suffocated me once more. “I gotta tell you, I’m getting tired of all this because I don’t do well with all these lights and machines and stuff. I probably to be honest would have made a really bad nurse which,” I scoffed in realization, “is pretty ironic considering my mom’s one.” I forced a small laugh, trying to fill the emptiness with a bit of light.
“I know you’re probably getting tired of me right now… but I can’t live like this any longer. I need you to wake up Justin because you see; I can’t stand the fact of knowing that you can just leave me at any second…” Looking down at my hands, I let my hair fall as it curtained around my face, “When your heart stopped,” I paused at the painful memory, “my heart stopped. It felt like everything around me came to a halt and the thought of losing you...” I shook my head, not wanting to continue, “And that stupid doctor.” I growled in annoyance, “Trying to say that you were—you were dead,” I shook my head, “he doesn’t know you like I do. You’re a survivor, you always have been since the day I met you.”
“Do you remember that day when you came to my house after getting stabbed my Luke? I nearly passed out at the sight of your blood smeared around you but you kept your composure… you showed me that you weren’t afraid and that somehow calmed me enough to take care of you and then…” I laughed, my cheeks warming up immensely, “You kissed me and everything just fell into place, you know? It just felt… right like that was meaning to happen for a long time and we finally made way into each other’s lives.”
