When i woke up the next day it was 1 in the afternoon. I still feel really tired and i want to sleep away all of my pain. I know that it was so wrong to fight with jaden and say i dont have any family but my mom, when his family has given me so much when i needed it. I couldnt just turn my back on them now that i have something new in my life.
I pulled myself out of bed and went to my bathroom to brush my teeth. When i got done, i went across the hall to jaden's room. I knocked on the door but no one said come in. I knew jaden wouldnt be still asleep so i walked inside his room. Nobody was in there so i went to willow's room. I knocked on her door and she said come in. I sat down on the bed with her and curled up with a pillow.
Willow: Hey Nic
Me: Hey. Where's Jaden?
Willow: He went to the skate park with some of his friends awhile ago. He should be back in an hour or so.
Me: Oh. Can i ask you a question?
Willow: Lol, you just did.
Me: Well I have another one.
Willow: Okay. Shoot.
Me: Do you promise to be honest, no matter what?
Willow: Yes.
Me: I'm serious, Willow.
Willow: I promise. Just ask me!
Me: Do you think I'm selfish?
Willow: What?! Of course not! Why would you even think that?
Me: Because I feel like I've been really selfish lately.
Willow: Who told you you were selfish?
Me: My actions.
Willow: I dont understand.
I told her about how my mom had come to see me after Jaden and I got back from our date. I told her about the argument between me and my mom, and me and jaden. When I was finished she just stared at me for a long time. After she didnt say anything for a while I thought she had become mad at me, and I started apologizing.
Me: Willow, I'm so, so sorry. I love you and your family so much. You guys have really helped me through a lot and I feel like I've used you. Y'all probably dont want anything to do with me anymore-
Willow: Nic. Stop.
Me: No! I mean every word I say. I am so thankful to have you and I will never, ever take it for granted again. I swear!
Willow: Why are you apologizing? Stop acting like you've been doing something wrong.
Me: But I have.
Willow: No, you havent. Being a best friend to me, and the best girlfriend to Jaden, in the world is not a wrong thing to do. You deserve to be selfish when you've had all of these ups and downs in your life. I know having your mom just pop in is a little crazy, but I dont blame you for wanting to stick up for her, or even calling her your family. You can have more one family.
Me: I dont know what I'd do without you. I love you
Willow: I love you too sis!
We hugged and then i heard a door open downstairs. Someone came upstairs and I heard a door close down the hall.
Willow: Look's like Jaden's home.
Me: Oh God! What do I say to him?
Willow: Say to him what you said to me. And he'll probably forgive you.
Me: But what if he doesnt?
Willow: Then he didnt keep his promise.
I got up andnwalked towards the door. I walked down to the hall and to Jaden's room. I took in a deep breath, knocked on the door, and opened it when somone said come in. When he saw who it was, he just stood there, across the room.
I couldnt stand us being so distant so I walked to him but stood a few feet away. He looked at me like I was a complete stranger, and that brought tears to my eyes.
Me: Can we talk?
Jaden: Isn't that what you cam in here for *cold voice*.
Me: Yeah umm...
Jaden: Bye Nic.
Me: Jaden, no! I know i messed up but you dont have to act like a jerk-
Jaden: How do you expect me to act?! I feel like you never even loved me. Like something always gets in between us.
His words cut me deep and this time the tears really did fall. I tried to brush them away but they kept coming, sad and warm.
Me: I do love you, with all my heart! I dont like it when things get in between us. I know its my fault they do, but I cant help it! My life is so screwed up and im only sure about one thing. I want to be with you...
Jaden: I wanna be with you too, but i didnt sign up for a relationship with so many damn problems. I just want the old Nic back.
Me: Im right here! I havent changed!
Jaden: But you have! Everything about you has changed. I just wanna know what happened to my real girlfriend.
Me: You begged me to tell you the truth about my whole life and I did. What else do you want from me?! I cant be perfect, nobody can!
Jaden: I know your not perfect and neither am I.
Me: Then jaden tell me how i've changed...
Jaden: You just.....
His words trailed off like he couldnt speak anymore. He looked so hurt and lonely anc it made my heart break. I couldnt stand to look at how Im causing him pain. I broke down and started to bawl my eyes out. I became so weak and my knees buckled underneath me and i went to the floor. Jaden was there to catch me and we sat there, with me in his arms.
Jaden: You look sad all the time. Like it hurts you to smile.
Me: Then how do I fix it
Jaden: You just have to see that a lot of people around you love you. You cant keep all your emotions bottled up anymore.
Me: Im sorry.
Jaden: What do you have to be sorry for?
Me: It took me too long to realize that im not alone. You guys are my real family. I dont want anyone coming in between that. Ever.
Jaden: Me either. I. Sorry for being a jerk.... You've been through a lot and I just keep adding to it.
Me: Its okay. I love you
Jaden: I love you too, babe
He kissed me and i started to melt. Everything inside me exploded. The kiss wasnt one of those that get you ready for sex. This one proved that I am loved and it was comforting to know I didnt have to be alone anymore..........
