entry 365 ➸ harry styles

XIII

{ chasing pavements - adele }

'dear harry,

this is a very hard letter for me to write. i keep putting it off, this is about the tenth draft'

i scrunched up the paper and threw it in the already overflowing bin. this had to be perfect for him to understand what i was doing. start again.

'dear harry,

i was going to call you but i knew id bottle out and never say what i want to say. so ive decided to write everything down.

after countless of wrong letters, trying to get the perfect words to conjure up what im trying to say, ive decided this will have to do. you're much better at writing letters, ive gathered that now.

just read this letter with an open mind, thats all i ask.

i think you and i should go away together. somewhere. anywhere. just the two of us for good. i know you probably think im insane because im ready to drop my life here and start a new one with you, and in a sense i am insane.

but im only insane because of what my past is doing to me, and im scared if i dont get out now ill end up hurting myself. or worse, you.

i want to be with you, and i know you say you will never love me but i think you do still want to be with me. im not going to swear an undying love to you because i know you dont believe in that stuff. but if we dont leave now and together, then something is telling me that we'll never be happy together.

im not talking about us becoming lovers and running away to an exquisite island, we're both not ready for that. besides, i know that's the last thing you'll want.

but the two of us could set off together, set up together and stay together. i need saving, and i dont think i have it in me to save myself - you need saving too. if that doesnt sound too melodramatic. i think it does. but please listen to me, and youll realise im right.

so lets do it before we get too old and scared. lets do this before we turn into unloving psychopaths. ive got plenty of money saved in my bank account from the crash. plus, we can both work.

just as long as we're together, all you have to do is say yes.

i think that maybe we can just hop on a plane to new york, or wherever suits you best. maybe rent a place in san fran. i dont care as long as you say yes.

but either way, im leaving to wherever life wants to take me. its saturday now, at 2 o clock on sunday afternoon i wont be in this washed up town. if i dont hear from you by then ill know what your answer is.

ill wait for you right up until the moment i have to leave, but either way im leaving and i do not have intentions of coming back.

so its now, or never.

take me away from this, harry. dont let me leave by myself. i want to be with you i hope you see that now. please do not let me down.

yours forever,

- M.S'

i stuffed the letter into an envelope and wrote 'to H.S' on the front. i chewed nervously on the inside of my mouth, trying to come to terms with what i was doing.

i delivered the letter later that night.

and all i could do was hope. hope that sorry saw a future with me.

entry 13;

dear diary,

now its just a waiting game. either harry wants to be with me or he doesnt. its really that simple.

a letter is about to change my life forever.

i just hope it changes for the better, and i have harry by my side tomorrow afternoon at 2 o clock.

please god, please do me this one favour.

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a/n: okay listen, this was such a difficult chapter to write just because i absolutely adore myla (in an unbiased sense). she wants to be with harry - so lets just hope harry wants to be with her.

what do you think will happen? will harry show up? will myla even leave?

hope you enjoyed, loves.

all the love, E x