entry 365 ➸ harry styles

XXIV

{ hurricane - parachute }

harry and i had spent 40 days in that washed up hotel before deciding to move on, to god knows where. i honestly didnt have a damn thing on my mind apart from fire and bloodshed.

every single night, harry would fall asleep calmly, without a care in the world. little did he know that the myla he knew was slowly falling apart, whilst he was falling asleep. id look at him whilst he slept; so peacefully, so...vulnerable.

id be telling a lie if i said i didnt have the urge to a skin a knife into his bare chest, or pour gasoline all over his body and ignite a fire. i was going insane - but i wasnt scared, i was ready. nothing could break me then, id reached self insanity and i adored the sensations it gave me. for once, i was in control.

i did love harry, there was no doubt in my mind that i loved every inch of him. but i was a psychopath; and it was better than having no path at all.

there was no real me at that point. i was only an entity, something illusory, sure you cold feel my cold gaze and grip the flesh on my bones like i was a person. and though you could probably compare our lifestyles like they were similar; i was simply not there anymore. my mind had taken me far away.

arlo had been lurking in the shadows, he wasnt subtle. id catch him on the road outside our hotel, holding a lighter in his hand and conjuring up a flame every so often. harry never noticed, and im glad he didnt. part of me wanted to run with arlo, to leave harry behind and live the life with my psychotic brother whom had triggered the worst in me.

that night, arlo had been tapping relentlessly on the motel window as harry was sleeping, trying his humorous way of trying to grab my attention. which, it did eventually, the noise was driving me insane.

i flung open the door, poking my head out to the left, my brother was stood there with a smile plastered on his face. literally playing with fire. i stepped out, carefully closing the door shut behind me.

"hey there little sis" arlo snickered, he had a cigarette in between his ashy fingers, and i gawked at the physical embodiment of cancer. my brother wasnt stupid; he knew better to not start smoking, he enjoyed watching the ash fall to the ground, like he wanted to see houses fall to the ground in the same way.

i rolled my eyes at his nickname for me, i probably wouldnt mind, but he was barely even taller than me. and i had the power to be much more intimidating too. "what is it?" i questioned, growing impatient with his mind games.

"is it a crime to see you?" he argued back, flicking the lighter to produce a flame at his fingertips. i admired the sight, "you're losing it myla, you're becoming just like me and i love watching you slowly disintegrate." arlo mocked me with his filthy lips.

i shook my head at him, i would never be as evil as him. "ill never do what you did" i spat at him, floding my arms across my chest.

"you want to kill harry, you want to take his trust and kill him, dont you?" arlo challenged, taking small steps towards me. his words were cursing through me, and the worst part? he wasnt wrong. "you're sick, and youre twisted."

i smiled at his words, "i prefer creative, big brother" i mimicked back.

arlo had his arm stretched out, with his hand a few meters away from my body. in his hand was a gun, not a large gun, just a hand gun that you could hide in the belt of your pants. or anywhere really.

"take it" he demanded, and i furrowed my eyebrows at him, "you're going to need it." he continued.

"why?"

"i told you i know something about harry. and i finally sussed it out" arlo ambiguously explained, his arm was still reached out to me with the gun in hand. i could hear his thoughts calling out to me, begging me to take the weapon.

i took the gun. it was perfect size for me, discreet, but deadly nonetheless. at first, it was heavy and cold in my frail hands, some may even say icy, but then as i wrapped my finger on the trigger the weapon molded into me. it began feeling more like a part of me, like i had an attachment to it, rather than just a weapon.

"harry isnt dangerous" i boldly stated, playing around with the trigger. i couldve killed arlo there and then; what'd be the fun in that? he deserved to suffer. most people i wanted to kill, but arlo i wanted to hurt before killing him. "what has he done thats so terrible not even YOU can look past it?".

"uncalled for. but where would be the fun in that?" arlo laughed, bringing up a flame to my face. "your life is in danger, and only when he has you by your throat ready to kill you will i step in and kill him".

he was lying, he was a liar. he'd created his own reality of what he thought was happening. harry didnt want to hurt me. he loved me.

"too little, too late arlo. shoudlve cared when i gave you the chance." i declared, if i knew any better i wouldve thought he was taken a back by what i said. he looked hurt, maybe even embarrassed, but he didnt feel emotions nor did he care for me. he was fooling himself by believing he did.

"look, im not saying he doesnt love you. im sure he does, i think thats why he hasnt hurt you yet," arlo began, he was staring off into the distance at the sunrise. "but that kids motives will leave you dead."

with that, i shook my head at him. turning on my heel before entering the motel room. i peered down at harry's body, arlo couldnt be telling the truth, could he? was harry out to get me? had he lured me into this false sense of security?

oh, harry. what did you do?

entry 290;

dear diary,

the more i think, the more i feel unsafe. the more i think, the more i want to use my gun to shoot the brains out of that lovely boys head.

harry wants to kill me, so arlo says. but we'll see how far he gets when my finger is on the trigger.