entry 365 ➸ harry styles

XXII

{ my fault - imagine dragons }

i slept unsettled that night, id gained two things back from my past. one of which i didnt ever want to encounter at all, nor would i have ever wished to do so.

hate. like a volcano, pressure created from hot, boiling magma, that contained enough heat to make mud boil. hate expands, like anything that gains heat. it grows, as it expands, it explodes. And just like a volcanic eruption, hate kills. and i was going to kill arlo, one way or another.

i was awoken in the most unpleasant way, i felt little splashes of water droplets dotting on my forehead. with my eyes still closed, i wiped away the wetness. "wake up sis, its morning" a familiar voice chuckled, i instantly shot up knowing exactly who it was.

i hugged the bed covers to my thin body, jumping at the sight of hostile grey eyes. "how the fuck did you get in here?" i whispered, ensuring not to wake up harry. he was exhausted, and i was terrified what arlo would do to him if spoke to him the way he did earlier.

"hey, ive been in hiding for over 10 years. a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do" arlo smiled, ensuring on showing his teeth. he was mocking me, he was provoking me. "come on, lets go on a walk, for old times sake".

i shook my head, i wasnt going anywhere with that boy out of my own will and he was a fool for thinking i would. his smug expression turned cold at that, he brought his face closer to mine and brought a hand to my throat. he put a strong grip around my neck, smiling in my face as he did so.

"i said, lets go on a fucking walk" he spat through gritted teeth, i was becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen flowing through my body, but i wasnt going to show pain. it'd be a cold day in hell before i ever did.

he did eventually let go of my throat, im sure if i wasnt his sister he wouldnt have bothered, he was a murderer. a psychopath. a maniac. i breathed in excessively, catching up on the breaths id lost.

arlo left the room harry and i were in as i got up and changed into a fresh pair of clothes, i pulled harry's lilac jumper over my head for extra warmth. i admired the musky scent that came with it. i wanted to bathed in his scent; it was beautiful.

arlo and i left the motel room, i stayed put behind him as he walked ahead of me for a while. the breeze pierced through my layers of clothing, making my hair tangle in itself.

after a few moments, arlo slowed his pace to stand next me.

"so tell me sis, whats been happening in your life?" arlo quizzed, and i snickered at him.

"dont start" i warned, crossing my arms over my chest.

he ran a hand through his thinned hair and reached inside his jean pockets, pulling out a knife. i didnt flinch. i knew better to not do that, "remember this myla?" he remarked. he was tracing the sharp blade with his thumbs, but i found satisfaction out of watching it.

i shook my head, but i did remember. i remembered very well.

"this is the knife i stabbed those children with, silly" he laughed, sucking in a breath as he did so. "i know the thing you always seem to forget is that you gave me this knife, so in essence, its your fault i killed them"

i turned to face him at that, i did not murder those children. and he was asking to be killed for insinuating that i made him do it. i gave him the knife out of my own pity for him, he'd convinced me he just needed a knife, and i shouldve known better. i looked at him with disgust.

"stop looking at me like that," he shouted, placing the knife down by his side, "you dont have wings of purity sis, you're a psychopath too. you just havent found the trigger" he further provoked. my mouth was morphing into a smug grin - he was right, i hadnt found my trigger yet. but soon enough i would, and he'd be my first victim.

"you want to kill me dont you?" arlo chuckled, he held the knife by its handle and placed it under my nose. trying to force me to take it. "do it, if you have the strength to do so".

"i don't just want to kill you, i want to put you in a pit and add the shovels of dirt slowly until your god damn mouth is full of muck. i want to hear your cries as the rocks rain down on you thicker than a hail storm." i calmly mocked him, his smile had shifted into a grin, and it was wider than any sane persons should have been.

i smacked the hand containing the knife away from me, it slipped out of his vile hands and landed on the sidewalk. the streets were empty, luckily, im sure someone would've called the police if anyone saw us.

"keep going, prove my point that you, little sis, are destined to be a maniac just like me".

i rolled my eyes and sighed heavily, "please, just leave me alone again. i want to forget you ever existed" i begged. i hated that i was having to beg my own brother to leave me alone.

"i recognise that harry from somewhere myla, and i think you do too" arlo quickly blurted out, his tone wasnt mocking, it was sincere. like for the first time he'd taken it upon himself to start caring. but it was too late for that.

he looked my dead in the eye, and for once i felt sincerity. "watch out for him, okay? ill do my damnedest to figure out who he is for you. you may hate me, i know that, but family will always come first. and i wont have him hurting my little sister."

i smiled gently at his concern, i also ignored the irony of family comes first. maybe if he wouldnt have left us we wouldnt be in that hostile position we were in. as far as he was concerned, he could call me or come back when he was ready to change. but i knew better, and i knew he'd never want to change.

"ill see you again, myla. its just a matter of when, and for what reason." arlo explained, he opened his arms out for an embrace, but i refused.

i felt guilty, of course i did. but he was born evil, and he'd die evil too.

"goodbye arlo" i softly said before turning on my heal. i could feel his grey eyes burning a glare into my back, the other reason i didnt hug him was because i knew he wouldnt let it slide.

my brother hated rejection; so in rejecting him i knew he'd be back.

and when he would come back, i vowed to kill him.

entry 248;

dear diary,

'theres something at work in my soul that i do not understand' thats the frankenstein quote right?

well, there definitely IS something at work in my soul. something scary, but its something i understand. my brother wasnt wrong when he said the silveras have the genetics of psychopaths.

a day ago i wouldve looked at a squirrel and thought, hey, thats cute. now i want to kill it, i want revenge. and they say revenge is a dish best served cold.

so cold i will serve it.