Danger

chapter 4.

After a few days not speaking to Caspar, it was really hard I would have to admit. It wasn’t like I was ignoring him or anything, he didn’t bother to come find me or call. I didn’t know what was to happen after I woke up that morning and see that he was gone. He didn’t even leave a note or anything.

I got a job at the coffee shop but sadly I he stopped working there. I heard he got a job at the hospital a few streets down from the college. I was impressed someone like him could get a job like that, but I didn't want to think about that.

One day when I was working there, he showed up out of the blue and I began to get angry. I turned quickly around to fix a coffee machine so it didn’t look like I saw him, but I think he knew.

I turned around a few seconds later and saw him in front of me with a blank expression on his face. It didn’t seem like he was concerned either. Of course he wasn't concered, cause he was an asshole.

“Can I help you?” I say, hoping he would get the hint I was mad.

“How are you?” 

“What can I get you?” I ask, changing the subject and doing my job.

I didn’t really want to get him anything. I don’t know why he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. But I didn't want to get fired for yelling at him front of every student here and teachers. I also wanted to do my job and talking to costumers wasn't a requirment other than asking what they wanted, and to give back change.

“Uh, cappuccino? No whip.” He says in the most snotty way. I almost wanna punch him. 

I grab a cup from the side of the counter but keep my focus on to him. As I keep my focus on Caspar, I began to make the cappuccino giving him the death stare. He doesn’t seem phased by the dirty look I’m giving him and it bothers me a lot. Why isn’t he telling me where he was that night?

I don't even bother stiring it together or doing anything special to it because to be honest, I don't care how it tastes. He deserves it.

“So how are you?” He asks again.

I began to make the cappuccino and the loud noise from the machine muffles his voice. I kind of smile because that means he knows I’m not really trying to have a conversation with him. That was the whole point and it was working.

“What’s that?” 

I know he is getting mad because I only said that to have him repeat himself. I can hear him, but I want him to think I don't really care what he has to say, which is exacty what I am doing.

“How are you?” He asks again, this time I can tell he is the one getting irritated.

“Busy.” I eye him hoping he gets the hint to stop talking to me.

“It’s good to see you.”

I finally finish making his drink and hand it over to him, not replying to his comment. I give him a few packets of sugar and look at him dead in the eye. The glisten he had in his eyes the other night is missing, and it’s almost as if he doesn’t want to try and be friends or more with me. It seems as if he is doing this just to annoy me.

I know I may be overreacting over all of this. Maybe he had a reason to just leave and forgot to leave or  note or something, but there is something else that doesn't click. I want to figure it all out, but at the same time I don't really give a shit. I don't want his explanation.

“What else can I get you?” 

“Did I do something wrong?” I mentally slap him in the face at how fucking stupid he sounds right now. Is he fucking joking? I really hope he is joking because he must be stupid if he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong.

I plaster a grin on my face and it soon fades when I think back to waking up that morning and see that he isn’t there next to me anymore.

“Yes. In matter of fact you did. You left. No note. No text. Nothing.” I have a blank expression on my face to help him see how hurt I am. I have a sort of pain in my chest remembering at the many times I’ve been abandoned and left before. He was just like everyone else. 

"I'm here now." I have always hated that expression.

“That was three days ago.” I remind him.

“I’m sorry. It’s why I’m here.” I sort of feel sorry for being so rude to him, but I don’t know what to think anymore. I sigh to myself. I know it wasn’t a big of a deal since we had only met once. It wasn’t like he promised to stay with me or anything, but he just left. I felt sort of used and stepped on. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for his company, but at the same time I felt like I was being super harsh on him. 

“Jae.” He speaks softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you this upset. I knew I’d see you again.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t.” Somehow I feel like I wan to make him feel guilt again. I felt like I was torn apart and stepped on and he seems to care as if it wasn’t a big fucking deal. He has no idea how bad it hurts. He doesn’t understand at all.

A new costumer walks in and Caspar steps aside. I listen to what the girl asks for and then I go and get it for her. The entire time I keep thinking about all the times I felt happy, and then the next minute it’s gone forever and I don’t know how to fix it. I hate being this way. I hate thinking about all the bad things that have happened to me. I want to get better, but there is no way to. I just have to bear with what is reality and what the terms are. In this case, it’s forgiving Caspar for thinking leaving me wasn’t a big deal. 

"That will be $8.99." I say and hand the girl her coffee and her muffin. She hands me a ten dollar bill and I crack open my cash register and giver her the exact change.

I can see out of the corner of my eye that Caspar is looking at me. He is giving me one of those seductive looks, but I know I'm not going to fall for it. Although I don't bother with it, I smile in hope the customer doesn't turn the other way.

"Thank you." she says and grabs the things out of my hand. She turns around and walks to a back table and sits down, grabbing a book from her backpack and begins to read. Caspar steps in front of the counter and leans against him, his elbows resting on the hard-wood counter top. He is batting his eyelashes at me and I blush.

“Have dinner with me?” 

I don't say anything. I go back to the cappuccino machiche and begin to refill it.

“Why won’t you answer me.” He pleads. I turn around and shake my head. I smile at him and nod my head.

“Okay, now let me make this better.” I laugh and grab his cappuccino that was poorly made and make him a new one.

“Please.” He laughs with me, as I dump the cappuccino in the garbage and start to brew a fresh new one.