Danger

chapter 2.

I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about if Caspar was going to be a prominent person in my life. I really hoped this wasn’t going to be a one time thing because I would really love to see him again. I would hate if he just left me just as I began to like him. I can’t say I love him, because I don't. But I don’t think I ever felt this liked or loved in a long time. Like my real father, he never really gave a shit about me. I began to get a headache, and I knew I needed to take my pills before I get bad again.

I walk towards my bathroom to try and not wake him, or my roommate up. He was staying over tonight. My roommate came in shortly after we laid down because she was out busy getting drunk like the typical college kid. I wish I could be her. Her name is Natalie and she is very pretty and nice. I hope she can be my friend because I really need those in my life.

I open up the cabinet and take out my pills that I’m supposed to take so I don’t get these really bad flashbacks. I grab a bottle from the cabinet and unscrew the top, grabbing two pills from the bottle. I set the bottle carefully on the counter and look at myself in the mirror. I walk back into the bedroom and grab a yankee candle from my shelf and light it, letting the vanilla scent roam through the air. I grab the candle and bring it back into the bathroom, setting on carefully on the counter letting the smell infect me. I put the pills in my mouth and drown them with a glass of water. I wipe my mouth with my hand and look at myself once again in the mirror, thinking about the day I visited my dad in the rehab center.

I was a Junior in high school. I was wearing a red large jacket on and a baseball cap that fit onto my head. I had just got put into my foster parents house a few weeks back and I was excited to tell him that I am doing better now. I hope he would understand. Of course, he didn't he never did, he was so close-minded about most things.

His hair was a mess, bags were under his eyes and his clothes were worn out. He probably hadn’t had alcohol in a while, but I could tell he was still trying to recover from a long term hangover.

I look at myself again hoping the pills would kick in and my head starts to hurt.

“Shh, not now.” I tell myself hoping the flashback would go away.

In my hand I have another bouquet of Sunflowers. I don’t know why, but my dad loves sunflowers so I decided to get him some. I smiled as he stood up and looked at me. He smiled right back and it gave me such a warm feeling to see him again.

“Please stop, not right now.” I tell myself once again. Anger is building up inside of me and I know I won’t be able to stop myself from thinking about that horrid day.

“I came for you.” I tell my father.

“I’m so glad you did.” He has a blank expression on his face. He has gotten better since the last time I saw him but he still looks like shit.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“No,” he says softly.

“It took some homework to find you.” I smirk admitting to myself that I actually took my precious time to find my alcoholic father in rehab. He probably didn’t change.

I start to twitch and shake as the flashback keeps going. I’m trying to not let it get to me, but it is.

“Jae, girl. My baby girl Jae. Look at you. You have grown into be such a big girl.” He says this because he hasn’t seen me since I was only eight years old. He was so shocked, as if I shouldn't of grown up or something. 

I look down, frowning wishing he wouldn’t have said that. It brings back even more horrid memories so I don’t speak. This is what he always does. He always tries to make me feel guilty, as if I've done something to him.

“Why do you cover up your hair like that? You have such a nice head of hair.” He says referring to my baseball cap I was wearing because I had recently dyed it and it looked horrible.

“Well...” I begin to say but he interrupts me.

“Just like me. Not like your mother, like me.” He gives me a fake smile and looks down at the ground.

“Jae. My girl Jae.” He huffs. “Where have you been?” His facial expression changes dramatically as if it was my fault I haven’t been able to visit in since I was eight years old.

“You left me dad. Gave me up. Like I was some sort of baby doll.” I sigh, letting all my emotions flood into me.

“I’m here now.” He perks up, giving me another fake smile. I’m so angry at the fact he just said that. How could he say that to me? “You’ve come home.”

Before I begin to go crazy, I finally let myself stop thinking about the flashback for a moment and walk back into my room, lying on my bed. I try and close my eyes to go to sleep, but I can’t stop thinking about that day.

“Jae,” I hear Caspar say softly. I’m still awake but I can’t let my eyes open or speak.

“Are you awake?” He says, waiting for a response.

“I need to tell you something.” I hear him talk again, but I can’t seem to speak because I’m still in shock from flashing back from that day. He finally stops talking and goes to sleep, finally letting me think in silence, and falling asleep too around twenty minutes later.