Danger

chapter 7.

I lie awake around seven-thirty at night because I wanted to try and get some sleep. I haven't been getting much sleep lately because I have been thinking about those guys and what they want from Caspar. It has been a few days since I overheard the conversations between all three of them and I don't know what to think. I haven't spoke to Caspar in a few days either but I tried to not stress too much about it.

My studies have been going crazy lately. That is what I get for taking a lot of hard classes this year. I hope that by next semester I will be smart enough to take classes that I can actual handle through stress. Right now, there's not much I can do but I try and manage. I'm taking at least 3 had classes and I am not sure if this is what is best for me.

I don't really know where my our relationship between Caspar and I stands because we haven't talked in a few days. I don't really want to be that obsessive crazy girlfriend who gets mad when she doesn't hangout with her boyfriend, but I miss him, and I don't want to lose him so soon.

As I close my eyes shut and try and clear my mind from anything that is stressing me out, my eyes shot open as soon as the door to my room slammed open and a drunk Natalie stumbled in with her boyfriend. They were making out and tripping over everything in their way. They didn't even bother turning on the light so I had to get up myself and turn it on. They didn't even notice the light was on and they stumbled onto the bed, kissing. It was like they didn't even know I was here. 

In disgust, I grabbed a sweatshirt and my phone and walked out of the door closing it shut. I really did not want to be in that room while they are having sex, I really did not want to think about that as I am trying to fall asleep.

I walk into the hall of my dorm room and mostly it is empty. Only a few stray students were roaming in the halls, either studying, hanging out, or even kissing. I swear my dorm room is aids infected with the amount of kids practically having sex in the hallways. I fumble through the pocket of my sweatshirt and grab a pair of headphones and put them in my ears. I begin to play some music as I make my way out into the cold, windy night, and decide to walk around and get some fresh air.

I thought about the night at Caspar's frat party and how stupid it was to have gone there. Caspar wasn't even there and half the students were drunk and wanting to hook up with me. It really wasn't my scene so most of the time I was smoking a cigarette outside, wishing the smoke would inhale into my lungs and shrivel them up causing my death to occur. It was a little intense, but I was so tired of feeling like an outcast it really wouldn't matter. What was strange to me was that Caspar invited me to his own room and he wasn't even there to show me a good time. I had begin to think it was a bad idea to get involved with him in the first place.  

I make it out to the courtyard of the quad and sit at an empty picnic table and rest my head onto it closing my eyes slowly. I let the beat and lyrics to my favorite song seep through my mind and let it take over my thoughts. As this is happening, I start to feel a small wind gust come through and hit my back with such force it almost knocks me over. I instantly lift my head up and notice the tress were blowing super fast and the wind was knocking out my headphones.

I got up from the table and start heading back towards the room. I know Natalie and her boyfriend are probably still doing it, but I would rather be in nice warm room then be stuck out here with nothing but my thoughts and chills causing pain to run through me, making everything I ever want disappear into my thoughts slowly. 

I wind up my headphone and shove them back into my pockets. The wind starts to pickup again and I can hear nothing but the tress slam against each other, leaves falling off the trees and being crunched beneath my own feet. I kick around hoping I could make some sense into what I am really getting myself into. It has only been a few weeks since I have been in California and half of it has been spent doing the exact same thing I did back in Boston, sulk in my own sorrow. I didn't want that when I decided to move here.