Danger

chapter 5.

We were sitting around a small coffee table Natalie and I had saved up and bought. A small, comfy chair was placed on one side of the table and a small, luxurious leather cough next to it. I ordered Chinese from some place down the street. Natalie told me it was really good, so I got some.

“This is the best Chinese food I have ever had.” He laughs and picks up his chops sticks, taking a piece of orange chicken and stuffing it in his mouth..

“Yep.” I say, taking a bite out of my own food, chewing it as slow as I can. The flavor melts into my mouth and I savor every bit of it.

“I thought that sitting by a fireplace would kinda be....romantic.” I smirk at him showing him the small, gas lit fireplace that was placed a little far from the beds. Since out dorm was on the outside of the building, there was a built in fireplace in our room. It was pretty nice.

I dig into my food and notice Caspar staring at me with wide eyes.

“I kinda really love your place.” He adds.

“Thanks. So do I.” I say and lick my lips before continuing. “It was left for me when my mother died.” I take another bite.

“It’s a dorm room.” He looks almost confused and I knew I was going to be explaining a lot more in my life than I really wanted to share.

“This was her room.” The room becomes silent and I don't say a word. He sets his food onto the coffee table and wipes his mouth with a napkin. As for me, I dig in my food eating it as fast as I can trying to avoid any questions.

“Um...I’m sorry to hear that.” He tries to be sincere but I can tell he is just feeling pity. “How did she die?” 

When he asked me that question I almost wanted to go back into my bathroom and take another pill. I don’t want to remember the time when I found out she died. It was a hard and traumatic time. I know he didn’t know, but I sort of wish he didn’t ask me that. I really didn’t want to talk about it. 

At that moment everything inside of me wanted to scream. I set my food down onto the table and cleared my throat.

“Leukemia.” My voice is all deep and low and I start to get sad again. I can tell in Caspar’s eyes that he is really sorry for me, but I wish he wouldn’t. He doesn’t know how I feel.

“She wasn’t my real mom,” I say.I think about my foster mother and how much I loved her better than my real mom.

“I just call her that because she is the closest thing.” I look down and see my wine glass sitting on the table. I grab it and take a swig out of it and look up at Caspar. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable that I’m drinking even though I’m not legal yet. It’s not like I drink all the time, sometimes I do it because it helps me get numb for a while. The medication doesn’t always work sometimes.

I can tell that he wants more to the story and I'm not really prepared to tell him a whole lot about my family. Talking about my family is something I don't like talking to people about. I get a little sad and angry inside and sometimes, if someone pressures me enough about them I will lash out.

“I don’t know my real mom either. I was adopted.” I watch Caspar’s face when I say that. I really wasn’t wanting to talk about my past this much to him tonight, but I sort of feel comfortable around him. I know he will never hurt me and I kind of smile when I think about how much he cares.

“Spent most of my childhood in foster care, you know, in and out? I guess you could say I was the troubled one.” He starts to laugh and I smile because the first time we met he told me he was a troubled one.