Danger

chapter 11.

He's standing in front of the door dressed in sweats and a white muscle tank top. He was in no way, shape or form out ready to go to a party. I began to get a little angry.

I stand in the doorway with my hands leaning against the wall waiting for him to say what he needed to say. How can he just do this. He knew I had to study, then he makes me get dressed for this party, and now he has showed up here wearing sweats and holding a thing of popcorn and a couple of movies? God, I swear he is such a bipolar sometimes. 

"Well?" I begin, because I know he isn't going to talk first.

"I...um...thought we could watch a movie instead. Something came up and I am not really feeling to party right now." He answers, unsure of what he is saying is actually what is happening.

I know there is something else going on and I want to find out, but I don't want to be put in a position like I was last night. That was the most terrifying thing I went through since I was younger. I don't want to relieve any of that anymore. I don't like living like this. In danger. I don't like it one bit.

Caspar noticed that I was spacing out and waved his hand in front of me.

"Oh, what? Yeah, I guess we can do that. Let me get changed first." I say and shut the door so I can get changed. I know he is my boyfriend and he should be aloud to be in the same room as me while we are getting dressed, but I am in no mood to try and be sexual with him. I am not in a good mood at all. 

Finally when I get dressed in some decent clothes, I open the door and let him back in. We laid in my bed with the lights off and decide to watch the first movie he brought. I wasn't quite sure what it was about but the movie was some X-Men stuff. I'm not really in to it and halfway through it I ended up spacing out. 

By the second movie he had brought The Breakfast Club, which is one of my favorite movies ever. I don't think I have ever told him that but it was pretty amazing that he brought it over and watched it with me without knowing it was my favorite movie. Halfway through the film, we ended up cuddling where I was in between his legs. His shirt was off and I was only wearing my sports bra. At some point in the film I had gotten up and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass and began to drink some. 

I lost my train of thought at some point in the movie and remembered the time when my father was angry with me about the toy horse at dinner and him shoving food in my face calling me horrible names. Caspar noticed me tense up and he began to run circles around my back, but he only stresses me out even more. 

"What's wrong?" He asked nicely, tracing more circles on my back even though I had already told him to stop. I let him.

"I'm just thinking." I sigh and take a big swig out of my wine. He glared at me and the amount of wine I had been in taking this entire time. I looked down at the bottle at it was almost gone. It was half full when I grabbed it earlier on.

"About?" He waits for me to answer but I don't.

He switches off the T.V and turns on the light. I kept staring at the brick wall where the T.V was. I was so lost in my thoughts I barley could think straight, let alone answer his question. He had to bug me a few times before he could get me to talk and when he did, I instantly regretted it. 

I finish telling Caspar the story and all I can feel is pure hatred towards myself. Not my father, but towards myself. We had then moved to the couch, his shirt was off and we had turned the fireplace on. I poured myself another glass of wine. 

“That must have been really hard for you.” He says as I grab my wine glass from the table and take a sip out of it. 

“I never told anyone.” I admit. I swirl my glass making the wine go in circles, noticng the red liquid splash up the glass.