Found a zero dollar bill.
Declan was jumping around one day when he realized he should totally go to a science place and let a spider bite him because then he would be spoderman. So he went to the atomic bomb testing facility and ate a spider so it would bite his insides. So a couple days later Declan felt the pain. But then his entire body puffed up and turned green instead of becoming a spiderboy like he'd seen in a movie once. Now Declan was a green cheese puff and nobody liked him. But then Declan thought if another spider bit him then he would be cool again but this spider just completely turned him into a spider so rip.