Picking up the Pieces

Everything,Everything

DingDong:
I haven't felt this horrible in a while.My boyfriend Ryan cheated on me and now broke up with me and god did It Hurt.In fact It hurt that bad that I cried in class and in break and that means a lot because I don't even cry when Dan and his stupid group of Friends beat me up.Well I got used to it so that's probably also why.
The worst Thing about the Fact that I was crying was that this guy who's in some of my classes saw me.He's new and I don't think he's made any Friends yet which is the only Reason he talked to me.I hated that he saw me cry.
While I was walking home Julian texted me.A few minutes later when I was home he told me to come over in 20Minutes.Julian lived only about 5Minutes away from me which was pretty cool.
My Parents were sitting in the kitchen eating lunch but I didn't have Time for that so I just went upstairs to get ready.
They don't know that my boyfriend who I've been dating for over a year now just broke up with me,I mean they don't even know I'm Gay.They would just make a huge Drama out of it and telling them would definitely make me end up in Therapy.So no thanks!
I went back downstairs and right before I left my mum asked me where I was going.
„ to a Friends house"He wasn't my Friend but the more my Parents think I have Friends the less they'll ask me why I never have someone over.
I don't know why but when I arrived at his house I started shaking when I rang the door bell.Why was I so scared.Julian opened the door and smiled at me.His smile was so cute.
He stepped aside so I could walk in and the first Thing I noticed was how big his house was.I looked around for a few seconds until I followed Julian upstairs into his Room.He had a huge Room,It was painted white and had a pretty big bed,a closet and all that boring stuff but I got really fascinated when I looked at hus desk which had a Computer and  a drawing tablet on it with a lot of pens and art supplies around.Another Thing which was pretty cool was that he had a balcony.I wish I had one,Just sitting there in the middle of the night while starring into the sky sounds so much better than just lying in bed all night not being able to sleep because I worry about way too much.
„You wanna sit down"He said while he sat down himself.When I sat down I noticed the shelf under his TV which had a lot of consoles in it.He likes Art and Video Games,Thinking about it I do wanna be Friends with him.
„Tell me something"He threw me out of my day dream and when I looked at him he started smiling again and as much as I hate to admit it,It looked so cute.
„Tell you what?"I was kinda confused which made Julian laugh.
„About you?"Why does he wanna know about me I'm so boring.
„Uhm my name's Ding Dong It's not my actual name but all my Friends and basically everybody else calls me that so I know prefer it way over my actual name.I like to draw only in pixelart though and Video Games are pretty cool too."I hated my self for being so uncomfortable.
„I saw your drawing in Art class but I was too shy to tell you that it looked amazing"He started laughing and then got up.
„Thanks"My stuff was really bad but It was nice hearing that someone liked it.
Julian got all the stuff we needed for the homework and then sat back down.
We barely talked and it was silent but all of a sudden my phone started ringing.It was Chris so I muted it.
„Sorry"
„You can get that"He laughed and fucking shit his laugh was so amazing.
I sighed and picked up the phone to a raging Chris yelling at full volume.
„RYAN IS A FUCKING BITCH WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S DOING CHEAT ON YOU AND BREAK UP??HE WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE AS GOOD AS YOU GOD I HATE HIM"
„Chris I know I-"I didn't know what to say because Julian already looked at me and was probably questioning who was yelling at me over the phone.
„I'm over him It's fine yeah?I gotta go I'm with...a Friend"I hope it doesn't make Julian uncomfortable hat I just called him my Friend.
„New Boyfriend Material"
„Chris stop"I laughed and then hung up.
„Sorry"I smiled at him.
He put down his pen and looked at me.
„I mean you don't need to tell me but...why were you crying there in the library?"Julian started biting his lip.
„My boyfriend-"I covered my face with my hands Why did I say that oh god.Good job Ding Dong everyone already beats you up and bullies you.
„Uhhmm my girlfriend broke up with me"He wasn't gonna believe me anyways now.
„Your boyfriend huh?"
„I'm sorry"I don't know why I was apologising but I didn't know what to say or what to do and I was at the edge of cying.
„Ding Dong It's fine"He took my wrists in his hands so he could look at me.
„ please don't cry"Julian gave me a sad smile.Why didn't he hate me.
„Dingus.I'm Gay"He started laughing which made me smile.
„Julian?Can I tell you something?"He nodded while getting up and giving me hand sign to come along.We walked onto his balcony and sat down there.It was nice i liked this a lot.
„I'm not trying to tell you what to do or not,but when I people found out I was gay they started bullying me and beating me up which they still do.I'm telling you this because I don't want you to go through this shit you know"I started mumbling at the end because I got kinda nervous.
„I'm sorry people are like that Ding Dong."
I nodded and looked up to the sky which was already getting orange and pink.
„I wanna know some stuff about you dingus."
„What do you wanna know?I already told you"I was confused.Why was he so interested in other people?
„Everything or everything you're okay with telling someone you met 10hours ago."I sighed and leaned against the glass door.
„I'm not that interesting really.My Life was pretty normal all my Life until...Middle school I think?I started getting bullied and my parents didn't do anything about it.It went on all trough out middle school but after that It got worse.In High School I started having feelings for other boys and when I confessed this to my Friend he told the whole school and they all started bullying me again.One Day they beat me up and It was the worst Pain I ever felt.Now my body is already numb from that but I don't know.I got depressed and tried to..."I took a deep Breath and realised what I was just telling him.God I rarely know him what was I doing.I guess It's because I'm feeling so lonely and sad.
„You know,but when I met my boyfriend everything changed we dated for over a year but then he cheated on me and this morning,well"A few tears ran down my cheeks and I felt kinda better yet somehow even worse.Eventually I started crying and sobbing and I didn't want Julian to see me but he did.He came closer and hugged and of course the fucking bitch that I am I hugged him back and cried into his shoulder.
„I'm sorry"I rested my head on his shoulder and held him as tight as I could.
„We all have emotions Ding Dong.You don't need to apologise for that."
In the past month I haven't felt so save not even when Ryan hugged me or kissed me.
I pulled away from our hug and looked at Julian.He looked so cute.
„What about you Julian?"He sat back down next to me again and rested his head on my shoulder.
„No one in my past school cared enough to bully me for being Gay to be honest.The only Person who cared was my dad.He hates me and because of that we moved.My parents divorced and I now only live with my mum."
„My Parents don't know.They would just send me to Therapy and tell me I'm crazy.Everytime I come home with blood everywhere the don't even ask what happened.It kinda hurt when your parents totally not care about you"
Chris is the only one who I ever told everything about me and I only told him after being Friends with him for a year.But Julian,I feel like I can trust him.He's just so nice and I've never met anyone who cared so much about someone else.
„I'm
very sorry about that Ding Dong.What ever it is I'm here for you right?You can tell me I won't tell anyone."He turned his head so He could look at me and my heart started racing because his face was about 5inches away from mine.
The Fact that I got the urge to kiss him says a lot about me.I don't know If I'm just alone and desperate or If I really do have Feelings for him so I just turned my head away again.I don't wanna risk that.I don't want him to hate me.
„Thank you so much Julian"I put my arm around him and starred at the sky.Why did this feel so right.