Picking up the Pieces

Missing You

Ding Dong:
„dingus,Ding Dong,diiiiiiing dooooooong"Ryan was shaking me while I was starrring into nothing.
I snapped back to reality and looked at him.Me and Ryan went outside because we got bored and we were waiting for Matt so now we're sitting under one of the trees.
„do you...do you still miss him?"Ryan picked the grass and just made a little pile of it in front of him.
„I sure do.He'll be back in 1 Month.I'm excited yet so...terrified"I held my head in my hands and looked at Ryan who was biting his lip.I'm glad I had Friends here,Matt and Ryan have grown to be my best Friends and they're just amazing people and they're a cute couple.
„terrified?of what"He laughed and then looked at the glass door,which leads from the main hall inside to where we were sitting outside right now,because it opened.A extremely happy Matt came running outside and then fell to the ground next to Ryan hugging him which surprised him a lot.Matt started crying and I was really concerned at this point but their cute hug distracted me from that.
„On the same day as you"They were both smiling at each other and it made me happy.
„What is happening right now"I looked at them and laughed to not ruin this happy moment with my bitter sadness.
„Me and Ryan will both leave next week"Matt sat down in between us and put his head on Ryan's shoulder.
„That's amazing I'm so happy for both of you"I was extremely happy for them but that also meant I had to spend the last 1 week alone here.
It stayed silence for a while until I decided to speak up again.
„I miss Julian so much"Matt turned his head so he could put his head on my shoulder now.
„Ding Dong I swear to you,when he's back he'll come back for you.There's no way someone could ever stop loving you just like that,He still loves you as much as you love him.Trust me on this one Okay"I just nodded because I really wasn't able to talk right now.
„also...when we get out and you will too.I'll be upset if we won't hang out then have A DOUBLE DATE"Ryan was almost yelling those last words because he was so excited.
„I can just hope you two still want to hang out with me when we all get out of this shit hole"A nurse walked over to us and looked at me.
„There's someone here for you,Donovan"And with that she walked away.
„Yeah donovan"Matt gave me an evil smile.
„I hope you know that I hate you."When I got up I gently kicked his leg.At this point Matt and Ryan only called me Ding Dong or any other short name that comes from that because they knew how much I hated the name 'Donovan' but Matt was the only one who still sometimes calls me that but just to bully me.
I wanted to walk inside but that changed when the guest the nurse was talking about walked outside.
Julian stood there outside,5feet away from me.I just ran over to him and hugged him as tight as I could and It only took a second until I was balling into his shoulder.So many questions ran through my head like why was he here,how does he know I'm here and how doesn't he hate me?.
We kissed after such a long time and it made me realise how much I actually missed his kisses.Julian looked at me with the biggest smile and I slowly started pulling away to sit down again.
„I-I can't"I let myself fall next to me against the tree with Julian sitting in front of me holding both of my hands.
„I was convinced you moved on and just found someone better"I shook my head and laughed.
„How could I ever."I sat down on my knees and leaned forwards to hug him.
„don't wanna ruin your cute Moment but First of all,you both together is the cutest shit I have ever seen I almost started crying when you ran into his arms and second of all...Does this mean that we'll have that double date?"I started laughing I love Matt he's the purest even if he bullies me 60% of the time.
„Holy Shit Matt that's so sweet and of course we'll have this double date no matter what"I patted Matt's shoulder but kept missing because I wasn't looking at him since I was hugging Julian.
When I pulled away from our hug I looked at Ryan who was getting up and dragging Matt along by holding his hand.
„We'll leave you guys alone for a bit.I think you'd like to talk without Matt sitting there and looking at you like a 14year old fan girl."Julian started laughing and god did I miss his laugh.
„Thank you Ryan"They walked inside hand in hand which was just so cute.
„Why are you here and how-...how do you know I'm here?"I was embarrassed that I was here,this just shows how weak I am and Julian's probably mad at me for doing what I did.He sat down where Matt just sat and put his arm around me to pull me closer,so I leaned against him and took deep breaths.lt made m upset that this felt like a Dream because If this was a dream I don't want it to ever End
„So Uh My dad was nice to me the whole time luckily,I don't know what changed but It seems to be good for him and he seemed to realise I wasn't happy back in Charleston so he made something out with my Mum that I can come home a Month earlier and when I got home like...an hour ago I went to your place and your mum was the only one there.So I asked  her where you were and she didn't tell me but after talking to her at the front door for 20 Minutes she told me you were here and now I'm here"He smiled at me and rubbed his hand against mine.
„wow what did you tell her?"
„The Truth.I need you in my Life and I love you so incredibly much and I-...I think I can speak for the both of us with that"
„Of course...I-I love you so much Julian You don't even know how happy I am that you are here."I grabbed his hand and squeezed it while closing my Eyes.How was I so tired?
„Ding Dong I..."He took a deep Breath and pushed the hair out of my face.
„Why are you here?"I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and stupid.He's gonna hate me.
„I uh...got drunk and...uh overdosed and I guess I'm kinda underweight"Please don't hate me for this.
„Imagine if you actually died.God Ding Dong I'd...I'd be..a mess.I can't live without you in my Life please don't do Shit like that.I love you and I need you okay?"
„I'm sorry Julian"When I got closer to him he hugged me so I rested my head against his chest.
„It's fine.I'm here,You're here.We'll get home soon and them we can be happy you know"I nodded into his chest while I was slowly starting to cry into his shirt he was wearing hoping he wouldn't notice but he did because his shirt was getting wet.Julian rubbed my back with his hand and with the other one he played with the strings of my hoodie.
„I'm cold"
„let's go inside it's getting late anyways."I let go of him and got up.
He took my hand and them we walked inside towards my room and I don't think I have ever been so happy in the 3Months I was here.This Moment got ruined by a sobbing and crying Matt walking towards me in the hallway right before my room.I let go off Julian and ran over to Matt who immediately hugged me.
„He relapsed so bad and he-he got delivered into the hospital"His words were just sobs but It was enough for me to understand.With Matt in my Arms I went into my room with Julian following me.Me and Matt sat down on my bed while Julian sat down on the other bed.
„It'll be fine Matt I promise"When I looked at him I saw some dried blood on his hands and on his shirt and I don't even want to imagine what it looked like when Matt found him.
It took a lot of Time until Matt stopped crying and then fell asleep on my shoulder so I gently put him down and went over to the other bed where Julian was sitting.
„was he talking about uh...Ryan?"I nodded while laying down hoping that everything will be alright.
„He looked so happy and he was.They were both gonna get out in a week."Julian laid down facing me and putting his arm around me making me realise how incredibly much I missed being held.
„Why is Matt here?"
„Anorexia"I turned around so I was facing the wall while Julian just got closer to cuddle me.
„Can you stay here Julian?"
„yeah"
„thanks" I squeezed his hand and  then closed my Eyes just wanting to sleep because my Eyes hurt at this point from staying awake for so long.
Word can't describe how much I missed Julian and how much I missed being held by him and just...his presence.He makes me so happy and just having him here makes me feel so much better.
„I love you" Julian kissed me neck and god that send shivers down my spine.
„I love you too Julius" With that I fell asleep and I couldn't imagine being happier right now,The only Thing that bothers me is that I'm here and we're not both in Julian's Bed.
That'll change hopefully soon.I'm really not planning on staying here any longer so I hope I can leave this shit hole within maybe a week and just be with Julian and be a lot happier.