Picking up the Pieces

Happier

DingDong:
I was turning from one side to the other  in my bed feeling uncomfortable as hell.When I laid down with my face buried in 'my' pillows I got a bit confused why I was home.I thought It was probably just a Dream but it wasn't.After I sat up I looked around the room and noticed I was at Julian's house.Where was he and why was I sleeping in his bed.Dumb me of course was too scared to leave the room and look for Julian to prevent anything awkward to happen so I just texted him.
Julian,Help.
I heard footsteps and then he walked into the room laughing.
„You could've just left my room and look for me you know"His laugh eventually made me laugh too.Julian's laugh is probably the best Thing I have ever heard in my entire Life.
„Why even am I here"I couldn't but smile and look at him while he was still quietly laughing.
„We skipped class and you said you couldn't go home so you came here with me and then you fell asleep."Julian was sitting on his bed at this point with me and I felt kinda good actually.If I thought about this happening I would've expected myself to be freaked out and wanting nothing more than to go home but there was just something about Julian that made me so calm.
I just nodded at what he just said and looked around his room not knowing what to say or to do.
„Why do I feel like I've known you for so long?"He gave me a questioning look.
„I actually feel the same"I smiled at him and then got up.When I looked at my phone I noticed it was 4pm aka.Time to leave.
„I gotta go I'm sorry"I took my backpack which was o his floor but before I could leave the room Julian asked me to stop.
„Can...Can I tell you something?"
„Sure"He kept looking at me saying nothing and I don't really know where he was going with this but I felt kinda awkward and I hated it.
„I-...fucking shit"He covered his Face with his hands.I sat back down with him on his bed and dropped my backpack on the floor.
„I know this is fucking stupid of me but...I think I have Feelings for you"My breath stopped and so did my heart and I really didn't know at this Moment what I felt.He doesn't.No one will ever have Feelings for me and no one will ever love me,At least that's what Ryan told me.He said that I wasn't worth anything and that no one could ever fall in Love with someone like me.That hit so hard,hearing something like that from someone you truly love.
„Julian,you don't"I shook my head and wanted to get up again but Julian grabbed my hand.
„Ding Dong I do.I love you okay?"He let go off my hand and looked at the floor.My heart was racing at this point and I was scared.Why would he even love me there's nothing about me that's admirable or anything.
„I love you too but you deserve way better than me"He should never ever be with someone like me.He should date someone and be in Love with someone who's worthy.
„Fuck I don't.And don't you dare put yourself down like that okay?You're so worth everything and I'd do anything just to make you make you happy and be able to date you and fucking shit this all just sounds so stupid...I'm sorry."
No one ever told me something like that.No one in my entire Life and fuck did It feel good to hear that.I still don't believe it but It's nice hearing something like that for once instead of everyone telling me I'll never be loved.
Julian still had his face buried in his hands so I took his hands down so he couldn't hide anymore.
„Thank you Julian"We looked at each other and my heart soon started racing ain when I noticed that both of us were kinda leaning in.Oh god where was
this going.
Next Thing I know was Julian put his hand on my neck to pull me closer to kiss me and god did It feel good.I haven't felt so amazing during a kiss after about 3Months of dating Ryan which was the Time he started cheating on me and he didn't even love me anymore but stupid me didn't notice.After I tried to stop myself from overthinking I put my hand on Julian's face and was hoping that this could go on forever but shortly after we stopped and for some Reason I felt extremely cold.
„I love you Julian"I hugged him which made me notice how soft he was.That probably makes no sense to anyone but me but I really didn't care.I was happy and I felt save and that's enough for me.
„I love you too"He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck which send shivers down my spine.Julian slowly but surely started giving me hickeys but I couldn't care any less right now.After about 5Minutes I decided to break the silence.
„Can I stay over tonight?"
„Of course"He then went back to basically making out with my neck.
When I let out a quite moan It was enough.I pulled away from our hug and put my hand on my neck.Somehow all of a sudden it made me feel disgusting when I realised this was slowly getting sexual.
„I didn't mean to..."I shook my head and closed my eyes just to let myself fall back into Julian's arm wanting nothing more than to sleep now.
„It's fine I'm just..."I'm just a horrible person who only cares about their own
Feelings,that's it.
Julian let go off me and got up.
„I'll get changed because I'm pretty fucking tired and just want to sleep."I nodded and with that he left the room but he came back not even a second later.
„Just get whatever you want out of my closet yeah?Or just sleep naked I don't really care"He laughed at himself and then left the room for real.Why was he so cute when he was laughing like how does he do that?
I looked at his closet and I just took out a basic pastel blue hoodie and put that on.Without being bothered by the fact that I wasn't even wearing pants I laid down in his bed and out the blanket over me and eventually over my head.
I hate the fact that Ryan still somehow ruins my Life without even being here.Just everything he said is still stuck in my head making me feel horrible.I had a major panic attack when I felt Julian putting his arm around me.
„jesus fuck stop scaring me"I pulled the blanket down from my face and turned around to look at him.Of course he was smiling again which just made me want to kiss him so I did and It's insane how happy I was about that.
Eventually I soon fell asleep facing Julian with his arms around me and It was the happiest I felt in a long Time.
Julian was this really bright spot at the end of a pitch black tunnel and It made me realise that there are still ups even though my whole Life has been just downs.How can I feel so much Love and Trust towards a Person I met such a short Time ago?This thought will always be stuck in my head but honestly,If it stays like this forever I don't even care that I was being so foolish.I was praying that this works out anf I wouldn't regret this.I love him and I can't deal with another shitty Thing happening right now.

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Heyo.
So I told this guy I was talking about at the end of the last chapter im I'm glad we met because I really like him and He read that text this morning and he just isn't texting back and I feel horrible.I lost my 3 best Friends last week and now he's ignoring me this is what I need right now.I'm so sad