Picking up the Pieces

Sadness

Ding Dong:
I woke up in the middle of the night extremely scared without even knowing what happened.After starring at the ceiling and thinking too much I started crying. How can someone be so fragile oh god. My thoughts went over to Matt and Ryan then back to school and the fact that I basically dropped out and that it's my fault Julian did too, then they went over to Chris who I haven't seen in so long since he moved before the last school year started and eventually I thought about my ex -boyfriend Ryan who fucked me up completely mentally. I could rarely breathe because I was trying not to sob so I sat up pushing Julian's arms off me.
„fuck" I cried into my hands which I was covering my face with but only until my annoying ass woke up Julian. He sat up and hugged me.
„How many times have I told you that you can always wake me up when you're not feeling well?"
„I just want you to rest from already having to put up with me all day" Julian kissed my neck which made me feel bad for some Reason.
„Ding Dong I love you and I love spending time with you so don't say shit like that.Look this is okay right?We're hugging and talking, I think this is better than lying awake in bed crying and being unable to breathe huh?"
He rested his head on my shoulder and I was just amazed how Julian always had the right things to say.
„It is. Thanks Julian I hope you know how much I love you" I just heard some mumbling from him which made me notice that he was half asleep so I let go off him and he immediately laid back down . When I laid down as well i wrapped my arms around him and eventually fell asleep.
Next morning when I woke up to the sun shining in my face and Julian sitting next to me on his phone. I covered my face with my hands and just suffered.
„this is illegal"I hid my face in Julian's pillows and just started fake crying.
„oh dingus"Julian laid down next to me   And pulled me closer to him so I was in his Arms where I could now hide my face in his chest.
„go get ready,this time we'll actually go outside and do something okay?"
„Alright" I took a deep Breath and enjoyed being so close to Julian until he got up and the sun started shining  in my face again which made me get up as well.
„I've been wearing the same black jeans for like 3 or 4 days" I laughed and put on my jeans and then looked at Julian who was taking  clothes out of his closet.
„How long do you have to stay there?" He turned around to look at me while I sat back down on his bed.
„I should be able to go in 3 days but I don't know I-...I think I can leave when my parents allow it"
I bit my lip until it bled because the thought that my parents can decide when I can leave that place I'll probably have to stay there until I'm 18 and I can decide myself.
„We should go to your house and figure that out then,Your dad is probably at work isn't he?"
„yeah I suppose"He sat down with me and hugged me. I loved how caring he was he's just such an amazing person and I really aspire that.
„It'll be fine" I nodded and kissed Julian when he pushed me away from him.
„I love you" He got up again and changed his shirt and put on his jeans.
After about 20 Minutes where we got ready we started walking towards my house which was only 5Minutes away.
„stop shaking,It makes me nervous too"He laughed and tightened the grib on my hand.
„Sorry" My voice broke so he couldn't really hear what I just said and as much as I tried my shaking just got worse when we stood right by  my front door.
He rang the door bell and luckily my mum opened the door.
„I need to get some Things" I dragged Julian with me up the stair and into my room.He closed the door and just looked at me.I knew he was upset that I didn't ask my mum right there but I couldn't.
„I'm sorry Jules.I'll do it I promise give me time"I laid down in my bed after such a long time and It made me feel really weird.
He stood next to me and held his hand in front of me to grab so I did and he dragged me up.
„Ding Dong I'm sorry,I'll do it If  you don't.I want you to live back home or live at my place to be honest and Just have you here."he starred into my Eyes which made me uncomfortable.I just nodded and followed him down stairs and into the kitchen where my mum was sitting.
„Mum I...Please give me an Acceptance that I can leave that place,please.I-I love Julian Okay?There's nothing that can change that"I was shaking really hard and I knew Julian was happy that I asked my mum.
„Donovan, It makes me sad to see what happend to you" I looked at the floor and sadness shot up yet anger also did.
She got her phone and called someone.
„yeah I called to tell you that Donovan *insert last name because I'm not creative fml* can be released from the clinic...exactly...sorry I can't...Yeah I'll talk to him...Thank you" The phone call took a few Minutes but after she put down her phone she looked at me and smiled.
„You can pick up all your stuff from the clinic...I can't do anything about how I feel about you dating another boy but I'm trying to keep you safe and make you happy and I think letting you live back at home and being with your boyfriend is the best for you."
I smiled at her and then looked at Julian how looked just as happy as me.
After my mum asked us to come over later again we left. I had a bad Feeling about going back later when my dad is home but Julian said If something happens or I want to leave I can just tell him and we'll go back to his place.
Since it was October it already got dark pretty early and it's 5pm so the sun was slowly setting.
„We're almost there don't worry."Julian laughed and pulled me closer by letting go of my hand and wrapping his arm around my waist. We were walking for 20 Minutes and I'm really tired so this can just go well.
There were we. At the same place we were right before Julian left. The Little lake with the cute bridge in the middle of the woods. I smiled at Julian who was already sitting on the bridge right where we sat just a few months ago. When I sat down as well I noticed how happy he was because he couldn't stop smiling and it honestly just made me really happy too.
„It's nice to see you so happy" He laughed and then sat down so he could look at me.
„I love you Ding Dong" He stopped smiling and just looked at me with so much hope and everything good you could imagine in his Eyes.
„I love you too Julian" I took both of his hands in mine and just played with them. This Moment felt like only good Things could happen from now on. I got my hopes up so incredibly high and I just felt so happy and I never wanted this Moment to pass. there's nothing tat can make this even better.
„Ding Dong?"I looked back at Julian who was now smiling really wide again.
„yeah?"
„Do you want to be my boyfriend?" He laughed at how weird that sounded and I started laughing too just because I was so happy.
„Mh I guess" I nodded and then leaned forwards to kiss Julian. Before I actually kissed him I told him I loved him and then I did. I have never in my entire Life loved someone so much but most importantly, I have never been so happy. All the years where all I felt was sadness and emptiness just seem so distant now that I am so happy.
Me and Julian sat at the side of the bridge with our legs hanging from it.
„please don't ever leave me julian" I rested my head on his shoulder and I immediately felt stupid for what I just said.
„you know dingus today 5 Months ago we met for the first time. When I saw you for the first time, when you were sitting there all alone cryingI felt my heart drop and I never felt so bad for anyone before...There was something about you which just made me want to hold you and tell you it'll be alright. You seemed special and god you are. You are the most caring and the actual best person I ever met, I could never leave you Ding Dong" The bitch I am started crying just because I was so happy and I can't deal with the fact how much he actually loved me and how much I love him.
Eventually I started sobbing while laughing into Julian's shoulder.
„I'm feeling to many emotions and I can't handle that, but I'm happy I swear" I let out one last sob and started laughing again.
„You're the cutest" He kissed my head and wrapped both his arms around me.
We sat there until I got a text from my phone asking me If me and Julian still wanna come over.He told me we should and he meant what he said that we can leave when I want to so we actually went back to my parent's house. When we arrived there I saw my dad's car on the driveway and my breath immediately got heavier and I was scared. Julian rang the doorbell and short time later my Mum opened the door. She hugged me and I never felt so weird, when was the last time she hugged me??
„come in" We went inside and sat down at the table in the dining room. me and Julian said next to each other and my dad sat in front of Julian.I had Julian's hand in my lap holding it with both of my hands.
Nobody said one single word for the whole time we ate but after we where done my mum finally spoke up.
„The clinic called me and said that Donovan is free to go because he's doing better" My mum smiled at my dad who didn't really seem happy about that...what a surprise. The clinic called...sure mum.
„If he actually made some progress there he wouldn't be here" He pointed at Julian and I immediately was mad at my dad.
„I could stay another 3 years in that clinic and it wouldn't change anything about the fact that I love Julian" I raised my eyebrows and looked at my dad who I know was furious.
„We can sure as hell get you back into that place if that's what you want you unthankful disappointment"My mum left and Julian grabbed my hand even tighter and I know he wanted me to just stop so we could leave but I'm so fucking tired of never saying anything.
„the last days in the clinic I wasn't even there. I slept at Julian's house, in his bed and god If you cared about me you'd knew that being with him makes me get better and not staying in that shit place" I had to stop myself from yelling so I took a deep breath and waited for a response.
„I don't care about you" He got up and walked towards the kitchen.
„Well I guess then you don't care about the fact that I, your fucking son almost killed himself so god damn many times just because both of you are awful parents and never cared about me!Not even one single fucking bit" Everything I held in for so long came out and I just yelled as loud as I could until I started crying and ran upstairs to my room. Julian followed me and when he came into my room he locked the door behind him and sat down with me on my bed.
„Ding Dong" He hugged me and I just sobbed into his shoulder.
„please calm down" I tried as hard as I could to actually calm down and to my surprise it worked.
„I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry" Tears started running down Julian's face and it made me even more frustrated.
„Julian you have nothing to be sorry about I-...I'm sorry for that"I looked at him and he just looked up at me with so much sadness in his Eyes.
„just hearing you say stuff like that hurts a lot I...god Ding Dong you went through so much I just"He looked up at my ceiling and then back at me.
„Everything's fine Julian...maybe we Should've just stayed there for a little longer and then go to your place."
„We can go to my place and tomorrow we'll get your stuff from the clinic okay?"He covered his face with his hands until I got up and took his hand. We walked out of my room and then I almost ran outside because I didn't want to talk to my dad or my mum at all right now. Luckily I didn't have to and me and Julian just silently walked next to each other over to his house.
„You can go upstairs if you want to, I'll just get something" I walked upstairs but before I reached the next floor I heard glass shatter and immediately stopped walking and looked down the stairs. I couldn't see what happened because the stair had a wall on both sides so you couldn't look into the living room/ kitchen.
I walked the stairs further down until I was only a few steps away from the floor.
„fuck" It was just a sob and I don't know what just happened but it broke my heart. I just sat there listening to him cry. Another glass piece shattered I suppose. Julian's crying got worse and I couldn't stop myself but check on him. He sat on the kitchen floor leaning against a cupboard with do much glass surrounding him including a bloody piece in his hand. There was blood on the floor, on his hands and on his arm.
„I didn't..." I shook my head and sat down in front of him and just started crying with him.
„sure" I took the glass piece out of his hand and threw it on the floor totally not caring that I just cut my hand by doing that. I grabbed both of Julian's arm and got up. We went to the bathroom together where we both sat down on the bathtub after I found a first aid kit.
„I fell and cut my hands on accident and I just got frustrated so I sat down and started crying but then I took a piece and did it" After I was done taking care of his arm I just starred at his arm.
„don't you dare ever do that again. I've been there Julian god It got so bad I had to get stitches but that didn't stop me.Everytime it was really bad, I walked to the hospital on my own and when my cuts got sewed I went back home and just did it again."He just starred and me with trembling lips and the the asshole I am when I'm upset just walked back into the kitchen and cleaned up the glass shatters and the blood stains on the floor. I just stood in the kitchen after I finished cleaning and looked at the floor where Julian sat not that long ago.
„please don't be mad at me" Julian stood in the door frame and looked at me.
„I'm not"I walked over to him and hugged him making sure he believed me I wasn't mad at him even though I was...just a little bit, but I was.
We eventually went up to his room and watched a movie. It didn't take long until I feel asleep in Julian's arms and no matter how mad I was inside at him I couldn't imagine falling asleep without him anymore.
„I love you Ding Dong I'm sorry"
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Heyo
So first of all: Am I the only freaked out at the fact that Julian actually just said Ding Dong real name?Some people said they already knew what his name was but like now probably everyone knows.
2nd of all: Would it be annoying If I started another DingDulian ff, cause I've got a cute Idea but I don't wanna be obnoxious with all this garbage yk