Melancholia

Facing Your Fears

Song of the day:
Gimme Some Annihilation by Crocodiles.
(listen to it at the top)
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"Oh God, she's so beautiful."  I whispered to myself. The things that I would do to her... If she allowed me to, of course.

Ha, the voice in my head taunts, like you'll ever be able to get her into bed. A beautiful girl like that would never fall for or want any part of a fucked up dude like you.

With hair as white as snow stopping right below her shoulders, eyes as green as the freshest grass, and lips as pink as strawberry milk, she stood by the school doors talking to two other girls and a boy about 3 inches taller than her.

She reached right below my collar bones, but it wouldn't matter when we were in bed.

If you get her into bed. Height was never a problem for me seeing as I stood at 6'4. Are you swooning yet, ladies?

Her name was Imogen, I believe. I've seen her around school and in the parking lot. I'll admit, I sometimes sit in my beat up BMW waiting to catch one glance at her.

I'm not a stalker or anything, trust me, it's just that her face has a sort of... calming effect on me.

The way her hair would blow in the wind and how she'd try her hardest to catch each thick strand and secure them in a rubber band. She always used a blue rubber band. I love how the colour contrasts to her hair.

She has a certain aura around her and I'll bet you all that I'm worth it's a pure blinding white. I'll also bet it contrasts to mine. Heaven knows I'm not a good person. She'll never want me.

Maybe it's time for you to talk to her and stop staring at her, you prick. You're gonna make it obvious. I sighed.

I was currently leaning against my car with a cigarette in my mouth, watching her. I know smoking is toxic, but I just love that feeling in my lungs. Each inhale seemed to release a cloud of tension and anxiety from within me. It also made me forget about my cravings.

Gathering up my courage and pulling my hair out of my short ponytail, I put out my cigarette and approached her.

Man, what would her reaction be towards me? Would she cower away from me like the other girls did or would she have some sort in interest in me as I do her?

When I walked up the steps, I expected her to notice me or even glance at me, but her friends seemed to notice me first. I was vaguely aware of the looks they were giving each other when I came to a stop in front of them.

Imogen looked at her friends expectantly, no doubt already knowing that I was here to talk to her and her only. 

The girl to the far left of her had frizzy red hair and pale skin while sporting green eyes, while the one in the middle was also pale with blonde hair and brown eyes. I didn't really pay attention to the boy standing behind them, but I could feel his stare on my face.

They all fled when I cleared my throat and regarded them with a sharp look.

"That colour really.. suits you," I said awkwardly referring to her hair. You've got to be fucking kidding me, kid. Is that all you can say?

She smiled nervously. Am I making her nervous? She brushed a loose strand behind her ear.

"Thanks," she replied, "I've had it since birth." she replied cheekily. There was a faint blush on her cheeks. So I am making her nervous. She continued to peer up at me from her under her eyelashes.

Jesus Christ, she is so beautiful, I thought, If I could just touch her..

I chuckled.

"Cynric, is it?" She inquired. The way her left eyebrow rose and the sparkle in her eye led me to believe she already knew the answer.

"Uh, yeah and you're Imogen, right?" I quickly replied. People were starting to stare at us, but were trying to play it off by casually glancing at us once or twice in the space of 5 seconds. How subtle. It's not like I cared, they can stare as long as their hearts desired.

I don't blame them though. Imagine seeing the sweet, innocent girl that everyone seemed to love having a chat with the awkward loner they did everything in their power to avoid. Yeah, that happens everyday.  

"Yes. I'm Imogen. Nice to finally meet you." Nice to finally meet me? Has she been stalkin― I mean admiring me too? I wouldn't get your hopes up, fella. You're not much to look at. Jeez, when did the inner-me get so harsh?

"Nice to meet you too, Imogen." It's now or never, "Listen, I've seen you a around a few times and I've always wanted to talk to you," That's not all I wanna do, "and I was wondering if maybe you'd let me drive you home."

She glanced away from my face for a few seconds and I suspected she was looking to see if her friends were still there. Thankfully, it seemed as though they were not. Maybe I do have a chance.

When she looked towards me again her lips were pursed and she looked a little scared. What'd I do?

"Cynric," she started softly, nervously, "You seem like a nice guy and all, but we literally just met a few minutes ago. I can't just jump into your car. For all I know, you could be a serial killer or something. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you have to take a look at things from my point of view."

She abruptly walked past me and walked through the school gates. Nice going.

I stared after her as she walked away from me and pulled out another cigarette, not forgetting to light it with the Marilyn Monroe lighter I found in my mother's coat pocket.

Everyone seemed to stare between the two of us as she strutted away from where I was standing, rather quickly might I add.

Sighing, I walked back to my car and got inside, not forgetting to lock the doors and roll up all the windows.

I actually thought things were going great, considering I managed to get her to confirm her name and in return giving her mine.

Hey, at least she knows who I am, right? Yeah, but she thinks you're a serial killer.

"Jesus! Why can't I do anything right?" I yelled into the steering wheel. I finally get the chance to talk her and I blow it. Who asks to drive someone home when you first meet them? You, obviously. Shut up!

People were starting to stare at me through the car windows, so I put my key in the ignition and zoomed past them. I don't have time for people who tended to dig their noses into my business without having the decency to look me in the eyes.

I can still see her sparkling green eyes in my mind. I need her. Good God, what is happening to me? Am I obsessed with this girl?

I need to take a ride. I need to get this girl out of my mind... I know you're not mine, but I'll be yours tonight...