stars don't shine

3am

i lied in my bed, staring at the ceiling. i'd hate to wake anybody with my screams. i don't know how to control it.
i was startled to hear a few slight taps on my door, i got up and looked out of the peep hole and saw River.
i opened the door to see a tired face, "did i wake you?" he asked.
"no, no you're fine. what's up?" i replied. he looked around for a second, "i can't really sleep, can i come in?"
i opened the door wider, and he stepped in. i shut the door and turned a dim light on. he crawled onto my bed and sat down looking at me.
"what is it?" i replied. "what happened with um, your boyfriend or ex boyfriend?" he wondered.
i looked down at my hands, i took a deep breath and i looked at River.
"ex boyfriend. we were at a party one night. he was drinking, very badly. he wouldn't listen to me when i told him enough was enough. when it was time to take him home, we got in my car, and we left." i paused, he was looking at me with concern written acrossed his face, and nodded letting me know he was really listening.
"he kept trying to touch the steering wheel. trying to be funny. i turned. my head for a second to move his hands out of the way, i didn't see the car pulling out. they hit the passenger side, he ended up outside of the car, it killed him instantly. i should've paid more attention."
River pulled me acrossed the bed trying to hug me while i cried. "it's not your fault, Ariadne. it isn't your fault, i promise." he said.
River sat up against the wall and held me in his lap, playing with my hair and tracing his fingers on my back.
we didn't talk, though he was humming.
eventually, i drifted to sleep.
it was finally a peaceful kind of sleep.