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S L A V E ~ 21

Hey guys, I was gonna update earlier today but I fainted :'( .. I am fine now though so .. here's the chapter :)

Catalina

At this moment, I wanted the earth to open beneath me and swallow me whole. Was it possible? no — but a girl could wish.

The pain that I felt right now was almost unbearable... I lost words, I couldn't speak, it was as if I forgot how to formulate sentences and as if my thoughts were too jumbled to think straight. All I could seem to do was stare and move backwards anytime she came near. I was scared... I-I just didn't understand how this was possible ... how is she standing in front on me right now? how is she speaking? how — after eleven years of my life I had grown to come to terms that she was never coming back because she died...

"n-no, y-you're d-dead" I managed to say, my voice barely audible as I felt my body shiver in disbelief, anger, hurt, and sadness.

"I'm right here" she replied softly. She then kneeled in front of me, reaching out to touch me again but I pulled away yet again, then found the strength to stand up, "d-do n-not to-touch me" I stuttered, my voice hoarse and my knees wobbly. I held onto my wrist that hurt me deeply with my free hand before leaning my back against the brick wall.

"Catalina, sweetheart I am so sorry" She rose to her feet, this time keeping her distance once she realized that I did not want her to be near me.

"H-How? w-why? I-I d-don't under—" I could not even finish my sentence as sobs emitted from my mouth. My face was soaked with tears at this point and never... have I ever felt so alone in this world than at this moment right here. The emotions were growing to be too much to handle, and I gave in to my wobbly knees — resulting in me falling to the ground once more, hunched over as the tears came.

I was not sure what happened next in all honesty. All I felt was the warm embrace of someone, when I looked up... it was her, my mother. & no matter how bad I wanted to push her away, and not have her touch me... I needed her. I needed her to hold me...as much as I would not want to at this moment, I gave in and wrapped my arms around her tightly as she did the same.

She held me tightly, almost gasping and taking sharp deep breaths as if she was relieved that I was in her arms — her hold on me only getting tighter, but not so much as to hurt me — more so as if she never wanted me out of her embrace ever again.

I let it all out, I cried as I buried my head into her neck, my emotions were laid out at this very moment. Every hurt, every pain, every sadness ... I let it all out, and it felt amazing to not have it locked up anymore. It felt amazing to be able to cry and not feel as if I was being judged... it felt amazing to feel my mothers' embrace after so many years. I poured my soul out through my tears, and when the emotions felt overwhelming — I screamed through my tears and my mother held me even tighter ... her sobs becoming synced with mine.

"I'm so sorry" I heard her mumble, "so so sorry my little princess" she said. My arms felt weak, and as they loosened around her, she held me firmly in her arms.

"Mama!" I cried out, "mama!" I sobbed, my body jerking. I felt my mind then wonder off to the day she was taken from me, the day she was ripped from my arms, from my childhood, from my life... the pain came rushing in again. & as my arms regained their strength, I hugged her tightly once more as I screamed out, "mama!" through my sobs. Everything inside me emptied through my tears and not once did she loosen her embrace.

My head was spinning, as I then felt like that seven year old little girl hiding as I watched my mother being taken away from for reasons I do not understand... thinking she was dead for all these years. It was all very draining, very hard to comprehend. At seven years old, I was helpless, hopeless even, and at this moment I felt as if life was giving me a second chance. I needed this second chance. Everything that I have been through ever since she was taken away from me replayed like a film in my head and that hurt even worse.