Suicidal

S E V E N

In the car. My thinking spot.
A place where my thoughts surrounds.
I'm scared. Scared to listen to the next tape. My tape. I fear listening to his voice and my tears will escape down my cheeks. I press play.

"Oh hey. There are two people who haven't heard their tape yet. Wanna know who's tape this is? Ethan Grant Dolan.

Here we begin. Another haunting feeling.

My twin brother. My only brother. We shared the same womb. We were best friends. Actually, you were my only friend. I know you would blame me for sending you to prison yet you never thanked me, because if you never went there, you wouldn't have met madison, right e-tee-wee-tee?

My nickname. Memories flash through my brain to when my parents and family used to call me that.

We both lived our own prisons, your prison was a real one. My prison lived inside me. Your nightmares end when you wake up, mine don't. You built your bridge of happiness under my tears.

Hold on. Stay strong. Breathe. I tell myself.

Oh guilt lived inside me and built a house in there. I blamed myself for my mistakes. But i never blamed you for what you have done Grant.

My heart won't stop racing. I wouldn't mind if my heart stopped. I don't mean my heart slowing down, i mean stopped. Like stop functioning.

You see, if you never made this damn party, i wouldn't have found the golf stick and broke down a car, And if you have never made this party Meredith wouldn't have gotten pregnant.

His words are truthful. These honest sentences slap me at my face and wake me up to what's really happening.

I apologized many times. But you never forgave me. Never said sorry. Never cared about me.
When i called you twice when i was filling so suicidal you never answered. My own twin brother stabbed me. I know i usually say 'it gets worse' but at this tape it can not get worse. Because this is the worse.

Wanna proceed?

I am a man. Men have feelings too. They have emotions too. They are humans too. So don't call me not manly when tears run down my face.
my heart is shattering like a glass and the pieces can not get back together.

My vision is getting blurry. At this moment, i feel all fingers pointed at me. It was all my fault and i was too blind to see the truth. Grayson got suicidal because me. I am a monster.
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Everyone requested that i'd update so i did! Thank you guys so much for reading!❤️