Suicidal

E I G H T

Around the hallways of the grocery store. Madison told me to get a few things from there.

Walking around to see all smiley faces.
A part of me is curious to know the secret of their happiness. But, this is life. We usually use the phrase 'This Is Life' because we are tired of trying and so we have no choice but to face our fate.

The last tape.
Am i ready to hear his raspy voice for the last time? Am i ready to have my heart burn? I press play.

"Ladies and gentlemen. This is the final tape. You won't have to listen to my depressing voice crying for help anymore, and if you haven't heard your name, then this is your tape. Spencer.

Spencer? Please don't tell me its the same spencer thats-

Spenny, spencer Maroon, i mean. Spencer Dolan.

Lord, have mercy on me.

Spenny, the love of my life. The only woman i love- i mean, loved. Wow, I seriously keep forgetting to use past tense. Spencer, i am sorry for endless reasons. I am not the man you think i am. I am not a loyal husband

Fuck.

You have been such a caring wife but- i- *sighs* by the time you listen to all tapes, it's no secret that i had an affair with Meredith. I swear i loved you so much. I couldn't keep it in I'm sorry. The guilt inside me is killing me and i can not conquer or heal it

I force myself to swallow my anger.

I couldn't look at your shining eyes anymore the same way without a voice in my head saying "you cheated on her". My god, these voices never stopped. Spenny, i am deeply sorry for everything. Sorry for not being a great father or husband. I love you so much. More than you could imagine. Truth is, i honestly am clueless if Aaron is my nephew or son.

Wait. What? Aaron might be his son? Well no shit! Obviously, since they had an affair.

Dear People on the tapes.
This is the last tape. You're done.
Follow the rules i told you about.
Goodbye, forever.
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Its a short chapter I'm sorry.
Read my new book called "Extra Ordinary"
-Alaa